I’ve just added a new page that lists some products available in Thailand I’ve found useful in keeping those nasty little pests from invading your home.

I was visiting with a farang friend the other night that’s been in a very successful long-term relationship with a Thai boy. He said something to me about relationships I thought worth mentioning.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Most farang understand it is important to make adjustments to accommodate the boy’s culture. What we often forget is relationships are a two-way street, and the boy needs to be making adjustments as well. The boy is not going to do this without some prompting from you, but the first step is recognizing you can and must insist he make an equal effort to accept and embrace your cultural standards.

It is a long, slow, and often frustrating process, but critical to the success of any farang/Thai relationship.

I may have touched on this before, but really can’t remember. While there are always exceptions, as a general rule best friends do not have sex with each other.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

By outward appearance the two boys might look like they have a sexual relationship. Their tone of voice gets very sweet. One may gently caress the others fingers as he passes by. You might even observe some stroking of the neck and hair on the back of the head. They will sleep in the same bed with each other, and might even end up cuddling a little, but sex is NEVER part of the equation.

You see this lot in the Thai 4 Thai discos. At a distance two boys will give every appearance they are lovers, but by night’s end one or both have hooked up with a different boy.

I once asked a boy if friends have sex with each other, and he abruptly replied, “NO…only farang do this!”

I’ve recently learned about a Thai gesture, similar to that of the all too familiar Italian “UP YOURS”. As I understand it, this gesture is relatively new and not widely recognized, even among youth. According to one boy it is an adaptation of a farang gesture, and I’ll go ahead and make the assumption which one that is. Best I can tell, it is used much in the same way we do when flipping someone the bird, and has the same impact.

The variation from the Italian gesture is slight, but significant. The elbow of the extended right arm, with clinched fist, is slapped into the palm of the left hand. This is interesting, because a very respectful way to hand someone something, such as a drink, uses the right hand while cradling the arm in the left hand, at the elbow. Perhaps a coincidence, but I think not.

A variation of this involves the extension of the middle or pinky finger, meaning big cock or small cock respectively. I’ve not been able to pry out of the boys if it changes the overall meaning of the gesture. All I know, at this point, is it too is a bad thing to do. One boy hinted, with a tone of uncertainty, that extending the middle finger was akin to flipping the bird. If true, it makes using the pinky finger all that more confusing to me. Frankly, I’m not completely certain the boys actually know the full meaning of the gesture.

I’ve only seen it used once, and when I questioned him about it the boy tried to convince me it meant good luck. It was obvious he was using the gesture jokingly with another boy, much as western friends will flip each other off.

I tried getting a few different boys to model the gesture for me, but none would agree, even after making it clear their face would not be in the photographs. Finally I found one brave soul willing to bare it all for the camera, but he insisted on wearing a long sleeve shirt…go figure.

I’ve just added a new page about the famous durian fruit, believed to be lethal if consumed with alcoholic beverages. I thought about contacting the TV show Myth Busters and suggesting they give it a look, but realized it would not involve blowing something up, so they probably wouldn’t be interested.

The wai is a ubiquitous gesture of respect, which on the surface seems easy to master, but in reality follows a complex set of rules. Actually the practice is second nature for those that grew up with it, but potentially disastrous for anyone with little or no understanding of Thai culture and etiquette.

A lot of westerners think it is important, or fun, to learn how to wai, and love to practice it when ever possible. Unfortunately most get it wrong, and it just looks silly. On top of that, many Thais think it is ridiculous or even disrespectful for westerners to try and adopt this practice, as we are not Thai and we are not Buddhist. Even so, they will humor us and say nothing. This, of course, gives westerners the false impression they’ve done nothing wrong.

From what I have been able to determine, we really don’t need to be worrying about mastering the Thai wai. The only exceptions I’ve identified are with those involved in high level business or political relations. Those aside, all we really need to do, in response to receiving a wai, is smile and nod our head, and we never need to initiate. To do otherwise puts us at risk of looking foolish or worse. As an example, if you wai a child it is believed to take 7 years off his or her life. Personally, I’d rather take the safe road and avoid such blunders.

Westerners are not expected to wai, and will not be looked down on for abstaining. This is just my opinion, but as of this writing I believe we actually gain more respect by not trying to wai, under any circumstance. If a situation arises where you are expected to wai, I have no doubt someone will offer specific instructions on how it should be done for that one time. A good example might be some special ceremony you have been invited to participate in that requires executing the wai.

Sometimes trying too hard to impress the locals does us more harm than good. Never loose sight of this very important reality. Our true charm is that we ARE different.

First of all, I’m not suggesting you try and get these without a prescription. That said, prescription or not, if you are paying any more than 500 baht for 4 100mg tablets of Viagra/Kamagra you’re paying too much. There are a lot of rip off places that try and get 2000 baht, and often times its fake.

I finally got a chance to check out the new Maxis Bar & Restaurant in Soi Twilight. You don’t even have to go inside to see someone spent a ton of cash on the place, and speculation among some of the expats is the new venue will give Dick’s Café a run for their money. Well, I’m not so sure about that.

My party of four (2 farang and 2 Thai boys) hit the place rather late in the evening, after 12 as I recall. And this could have been a contributing factor in the less than satisfactory dining experience we all had. I’m also aware it is extremely difficult to get a Thai kitchen staff that can consistently turn out good western food, but the Thai dishes should not be a challenge.

Three in my party selected a total of 4 Thai dishes, and all but one of them got a thumbs down. I decided to go for a western meal, and selected their egg burger. This is just my opinion, but I believe any restaurant serving up western food should at least be able to get a hamburger right. I mean…it’s not rocket science we’re talking about here.

First of all, the egg was not fully cooked, so when I pressed down on the bun egg yolk came spurting out onto the plate. I have no doubt this additional liquid inside the sandwich greatly contributed to the bun disintegrating early in the dining experience. To make things worse, there was some sort of pungent spice in the meat that made the taste of beef impossible to detect. When all was said and done, Maxis earned my worst hamburger in Thailand award, previously held by McDonald’s. GAWD it was awful!

Now I’m quite certain Dick’s manages to serve up a stinker every once in awhile, but I’ve dined at both establishments several times and, as yet, haven’t been the victim of an off night.

Maxis is an absolutely beautiful looking establishment, perhaps even a little too upscale in appearance for its location. But after sampling the food I’ll have to say its beauty may only be skin deep.

PLEASE…someone tell me I just happened in on an off night, and Maxis deserves another try.

While on the subject of shit…

I was looking at the Swearsaurus page I link to under Interesting Reads, and noticed they had “farang keenohk” (keynook) listed with the English translation being “bird shit foreigner”.

I know several farang that are familiar with this phrase and believe it means you are being called a piece of shit or someone that is about as worthless as bird shit, and they are wrong. Just as choking one’s chicken has nothing to do with strangling the life out of a bird, farang keenohk has nothing to do with calling someone a piece of shit.

Farang keenohk is an idiom that means a westerner with little or no money. A good example would be most of the farang English teachers working in Thailand. Depending on the context of its use, it can be a bit derogatory, or simply a statement of fact.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Being called farang keenohk can, in some cases, be to one’s advantage. If a Thai boy likes you, and truly believes you are down to your last baht, he will very likely try to help you. I know of two farang where this happened. In one case the farang was taken in by a non money boy, who paid for everything until he could get back on his feet. A similar situation involved a farang and a money boy. Both lived a meager Thai lifestyle, but they did survive, and now have good paying jobs in Thailand. Both are still in a long-term relationship with the boys that came to their aid.

Interestingly enough, one of these guys is familiar with the phrase farang keenohk and believes it means bird shit foreigner.

While most Thais don’t go into detail about what it is they are doing in the toilet, specifics do occasionally come up in conversation. The majority of boys do not know any English words for either. Of those that do, most only know how to communicate about peeing, and by my observation always say pee pee. In Thai, the most commonly used phrase for peeing is Ching Chong, a playful euphemism that I believe means “shooting a rabbit”, but don’t quote me on this.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

More difficult for the boys is communication about going number 2. It is rare, but some boys know to say shit, and I encountered one that would say he has to go brown. I’ve also heard poo poo from a few boys, but most simply don’t know how to say anything you would recognize in English. Interestingly enough, one of the Thai words for shit is wayne. I have a friend who, shortly after moving to Thailand, started using his middle name, because most Thais simply could not deal with calling him by his first name Wayne.