It’s difficult to explain this, because it tends to contradict the understanding that Thais are generally very polite, and go out of their way to avoid being rude. At the same time, they can be very blunt, or direct, in conversation. I don’t pretend to understand the full scope of this. Best I can tell, if something is blatantly obvious Thais will not pretend otherwise.

A good example of this is when talking about someone’s weight. If you are fat, a Thai will say you are. It’s not intended to be rude or insulting. The fact is you are fat and everyone can see that you are. So why beat around the bush about it? Of course, in America we would never think of doing this, but in Thailand it is totally acceptable.

Photo Courtesy of JapanBoyz

A very different example, and one I have the most difficulty with, is what happened one night when I was out with an American friend and I picked up a boy. I said something to my friend about wondering if the boy could be trusted. My friend, who speaks fluent Thai, turned to the boy and said something to him in Thai. The boy answered, and my friend said the boy was safe. I ask how he knew this. My friend said, “I just asked him if he is a thief, and he said no.” He explained that the boy would have behaved differently if he was lying, and he was not offended by the question. He went on to explain it is all right to be blunt in Thai culture.

The big question for me is when is it not all right to be blunt? When is it considered rude? Obviously the two cultures define rudeness differently. Thus, it would be risky for me to go off thinking I can be blunt anytime I want to. It is one of those fascinating pieces of cultural knowledge that by it self can be hazardous to use. Put another way, I now know just enough to be dangerous.

Funny thing is, in America I’ve long been known for my personality flaw of being overly blunt. That liability may have become an asset, now that I live in Thailand.

In any case, at least I am no longer offended when on the receiving end of this cultural difference.

I’ve added the following pages…

Walking The Streets
The Electric Bill

Well, it finally happened. I picked up a case of food poisoning. Fortunately it wasn’t bad enough to put me in the hospital. After three days of trying to battle it with just Imodium, and the signs of dehydration setting in, I knew it was time to see a doctor.

I’ve had worse when I lived in the Philippines, and I’m used to getting the runs for 24 hours here in Thailand, but this time I could not fight it on my own. Usually a half tablet of Imodium will get things under control. In this case I was taking three full tablets a day, with little or no results. I guess that should have been my first clue this one was going to be different. I was a little thrown off as to the severity, because I did not experience any nausea or vomiting.

I had planned to let it go another day, but a Thai friend told me I probably had salmonella from eating seashells, and urged me to see a doctor right away. I decided to look up salmonella on the Internet, and sure enough my symptoms were a match. And yes…I had eaten a dish with seashells just before getting hit by this.

The nice doctor confirmed my friend’s suspicions and prescribed antibiotics, something to relieve the upset stomach, and a bunch of electrolyte powder packs.

That evening my Thai friend stopped by with two plastic bags full of warm soy milk. I was a bit skeptical about drinking it, but he assured me it would help. I’ve learned to trust Thai home remedies, so I gave it a try. It’s actually quite tasty, and to my surprise it completely settled my stomach.

I’ve not fully recovered yet, but at least my trips to Mr Toilet have become less frequent. My friend is dropping by again to night. I hope he brings some more soy milk.

I was walking down the street yesterday when a Thai gentleman stopped me to solicit my purchasing a coffin. At least that was my assessment at the time. He only spoke Thai, and the material he put in front of me was all in Thai. I could tell there was a price list and the pages had pictures of caskets, some occupied.

I don’t much care for anyone trying to sell me something on the street. On top of that the whole thing struck me as being a bit morbid, so I brushed him off and went about my business.

After returning to my apartment I got to thinking he might have been soliciting donations for something. He was wearing a shirt that looked similar to a police or Boy Scout uniform. The pictures of dead people in coffins might have been for shock value. Although the first page just had pictures of caskets, similar to a brochure.

At this point I’m reasonably certain he was not trying to sell me a coffin. I have no idea what his organization represented. Even if I had spent more time looking at the materials, I doubt it would have made a difference.

The only reason I’m telling this story is it illustrates just how easy one can misinterpret something. I’m reminded of something that happened while I was living in the Philippines. I asked the maid t lower the radio. She took it off the counter and put it on the floor.

If you have been reading my posts, you know I’ve been a bit confused about sexuality in Thai culture. I’m talking about guys that seem to be totally straight, but will have sex with other guys. Recently I got a little bit closer to understanding this nuance.

Photo Courtesy of Gay Asian Amateurs

It was explained to me Thais don’t even know what gay is. The closest Thai word for it translates to lady boy. Thais do not try and label everything like we do in America. They don’t think of things in terms of straight, gay, or bisexual. If two Thai men have sex with each other its because they want to, not because they have chosen a particular lifestyle. A Thai man can be married with children, but may occasionally have sex with other men. Apparently, when friends or family discover an encounter of this nature, it does not ruin the person’s life. It simply isn’t discussed.

I’m not inclined to buy into this, but one person told me that Budisum influences cultural attitude toward sex. It was explained to me that Buddhists separate the body into three parts - lower, middle, and upper. At the extremities, feet are the lowest and dirtiest while the head is highest, closest to Buda, and the holiest. Thus, the middle of the body is somewhat neutral. Accordingly, attitudes toward sex tend to be unbiased. Interestingly enough, most Thais do not like to kiss. Kissing uses the mouth, which of course is part of the head. It seems like a bit of a stretch to me, but I’m looking at it from a culturally different point of view. As time passes, I’m sure I’ll discover just how true this really is.

Photo Courtesy of Gay Asian Amateurs

In any case, I feel like I’ve gotten closer to understanding sexuality in Thai culture. That said, I really doubt someone can grasp a complete understanding of one specific cultural nuance, without having a good understanding of the big picture.

I have added an update to one page, and posted two new pages…

Employment
Legal
Show No Interest - UPDATED

The other night I went to Silom for a few drinks. I wasn’t looking to pick up a boy. I just wanted to relax and maybe have a conversation or two with some of the regulars.

I never thought I’d see the day when I wanted to get rid of a cute Thai boy, but I had not experience a couple of drunks bumming drinks and cigarettes from Farang customers. Despite their being a pest, everyone was tolerant of the two boys. The one that still had his wits about him was able to take a hint, but his friend was too far gone to have a clue.

Photo Courtesy of Gay Asian Amateurs

I was eventually approached, as the boys made their rounds. The more sober of the two made an attempt at striking up a conversation, and quickly took the hint I was not interested. His smashed buddy followed, and as much as I tried to act disinterested, he was oblivious. I gave him a cigarette, hoping that would get him to move on, but no such luck. His friend even stepped in, and for a brief period of time, managed to get him outside and out of our hair.

It wasn’t long before the boy was back at my side, leaning on me so he would not fall over. This time his buddy did not run interference, and I wondered if I was ever going to get rid of him.

I wasn’t about to tell this boy to take a hike. I know better than to do anything of that short. Put another way, its best that Farang steer clear of taking these matters into their own hands. I didn’t even want to verbally request assistance from the staff, as everyone in the immediate area would have observed that.

In Thailand there is this thing they call loosing face. I do not pretend to understand all the different ways this can be done, but in very simple terms it has to do with causing public embarrassment. I’m told; causing a Thai to loose face can result in some rather unpleasant reactions. I’ve heard it can even result in violent behavior. Others say that is a bit of an exaduration. In any case, it’s definitely something you want to avoid.

Most, if not all, Farang business owners stay out of it. They rely on their Thai managers and staff to deal with confrontations and unhappy customers. From what I understand, this is an aspect of Thai culture that is so complex even the most culturally experienced westerner can unintentionally get in trouble.

In my situation, one of the Thai staff eventually walked up and asked me if I wanted the boys company. I very subtly shook my head no, but said nothing. The boy was instantly whisked away and given a talking to. I did not watch.

On more than one occasion I have been in close proximity of a confrontation between two Thais. It is only natural, at least for an American, to sit and watch the incident. Each time this has happened I was with someone that had lived here a long time. In every case, I was told not to watch. In one situation, mamasan chewing out one of the boys, it was strongly recommended we relocate to another area of the establishment. I’m not completely sure this had something to do with saving face. All I was told is it’s not polite to stare.

Perhaps I am taking this issue of saving face too seriously. I’ve discussed it with several people, each having a slightly different point of view. The one consistency has been that Farang should avoid situations that could result in someone being publicly embarrassed. I have also been told that, in most situations, a proper apology will at least calm the offended person down. He or she may never speak to you again, but at least things will not escalate.

I’ve been planning to write about something that happened to me awhile back, but hadn’t gotten around to it. I even had a title in mind for this story - You Can Have Anyone You Want For Free. After last night, I decided to write about it, but the title has change, because I now understand what was really going on.

Last night I was out drinking with a couple of my friends - one Thai and the other Farang. My American friend has been slowly educating me on the nuances of Thai culture, and last evening was no exception. In short, I learned a big lesson about entering into a long-term relationship with a Thai.

About two months after arriving in Bangkok I met a very nice guy, who I will call Jim. Jim is a stunningly gorgeous 27 year old Thai, that also happens to be a money boy. Our meeting consisted of him aggressively pursuing me. I kept telling him no, because I didn’t want to spend any more money for sex that week. I was actually quite blunt with Jim about this, but it didn’t detour him. I should mention, while it was obvious to me, Jim never actually admitted he was a money boy. Instead, Jim said he was not looking for any money that night. He just wanted to come home and have sex with me. With that, I agreed and we ended up having a wonderful evening together.

Photo Courtesy of Gay Asian Amateurs

From that first night with Jim, a relationship began to evolve. Unfortunately I wasn’t aware of it. I viewed us as good friends who enjoyed each other’s company, both in and out of bed. At the time, I wasn’t really looking for anything more. That, coupled with the fact Jim is a money boy suggested there was little chance of things developing into something serious. At least, that was my thinking at the time.

For the next four of five weeks we saw each other regularly. Jim and I would do all kinds of things together, most times ending with us going to my place for the evening. We were both seeing other guys, a fact that was no secret to either of us. I assume Jim’s dates were with paying customers, but it was never discussed. We did have some conversations about my knowing he is a money boy. To this day, Jim has never admitted or denied it. I’m sure he has good reason for dealing with it this way, but I have no clue what it is. I have no doubt it is another cultural nuance I have yet to discover.

One evening we, and a Thai friend of his, were drinking beer at the Balcony Pub. Around eleven the boys suggested we go to DJ Station in a little bit, and I agreed. Jim immediately started making a bunch of phone calls. I asked him why he was making all the calls, and Jim said he was calling his friends to see if they wanted to meet us at the disco. I thought to myself this was Jim’s way of introducing me to all his friends, something I was actually looking forward to.

Photo Courtesy of Gay Asian Amateurs

Once we got to DJ Station, Jim started getting very affectionate with me, something he had not done earlier in the evening. I assumed his amorous behavior meant he was planning to go home with me. That was probably correct, had things played out differently.

After about twenty minutes, Jim’s friends started arriving. About that time, he motions me to go from the second floor to the third. I thought he was going with me, but when I got up there, and looked down, Jim was in the same place I left him. I motioned to him I was confused, and he pointed to one of his friends on the third floor, like I should go talk to him. I made it clear, from my gestures; I was completely confused by this. Jim motioned for me to come back down and join him. I made my way back down to where Jim was, and told him I didn’t understand what it was he wanted me to do. Jim points to a group of guys and says they are all his friends. Then he says I can pick one to go home with - NO CHARGE.

I’d been drinking all night, and just trying to go with the flow. My immediate reaction to this was Jim wanted to make some money that night, but realized I was expecting him to go home with me. I reasoned this was his way of compensating, both for my paying for everything that night, and for him not going home with me. Keep in mind, I’m looking at this from the perspective he is a money boy, and its just business. The only discussion we’d ever had, concerning a relationship, was Jim telling me he had no interest in settling down with anyone. And thinking back on it, the discussion took place earlier that evening.

Last night, when I reached this point in the story, my American friend stopped me and asked if I took Jim up on his offer. I told him I had, and started to share with he and our Thai friend how much fun the guy I selected was. He stops me again and said, “You failed the test.” “What test”, I asked. Instead of explaining his comment, he asks our Thai friend if he is correct in what he had just said to me. Our Thai friend agreed I had failed the test. My American friend went on to say I should have turned down Jim’s offer and told him I only wanted to be with him.

Photo Courtesy of Gay Asian Amateurs

Come to find out, this was a test to see if I was good boyfriend material. By accepting Jim’s offer I was telling him, in front of all his friends no less, just how much he really meant to me. After selecting one of his friends, Jim conspicuously disappeared, and I did not see him again that night. I took this as confirmation Jim wanted to pick up a paying client, perhaps even a meeting that had already been arranged.

My American friend asked me how things have been between Jim and I after that evening. “Well, we chat almost every day on MSN, and still go out together…OH SHIT…we have not had sex after that night,” I exclaimed. My friend sat back in his chair, smiled, and politely called me a typical ignorant Farang. Our Thai friend said nothing, but I have to believe he was quietly laughing his ass off inside.

There was more discussion about my misinterpretation of many things leading up to this fateful evening at DJ Station. It’s way too much for me to get into right now. I’ll just say last night I learned that pursuing a relationship with a Thai, while wearing cultural blinders, is an exercise in futility.

I have a lot to learn.

Side Note…

Something else I learned last night is paying for sex has huge implications on how a relationship, or friendship, will ultimately evolve. Even if you only pay for sex the first time, it sets the stage for the type of association you will always have with him. Simply put, if you pay for it once you have created the foundation for what will always be a business relationship.

Yesterday was full of distractions, so I didn’t get around to posting anything. I spent the morning giving my apartment a deep cleaning, because the management wants to come in for a so-called safety inspection.

In the afternoon I decided to check messages on Gay Romeo. While there, I noticed a new boy on-line, and struck up a conversation. Like most guys, he quickly moved me to MSN chat, and we continued visiting for several hours.

He’s a very cute 25 year old, who makes no secret he’s shopping for a long-term relationship. The majority of our on-line conversation was centered on what I’d call a compatibility interview. He made it abundantly clear that he’s not interested in casual sex, and would only have sex with me if a face-to-face meeting went well. As he put it, we need to meet first to see if we have good gay chemistry.

Photo Courtesy of Gay Asian Amateurs

This is not the first time I’ve had one of these conversations. In fact, one has developed into, what I would call, a fuck buddy relationship. It’s not lost on me he hopes it will evolve into something more, but I’m not convinced that will happen. There is a big difference between really liking someone, and loving him.

A good candidate is someone that actually cares about me, and doesn’t just want the good life my money can buy. My “fuck buddy” has demonstrated his sincerity many times, both in words and actions. Most notable is his insistence on going dutch any time we are together. The only exception is when I invite him to do something, a social protocol that is practiced both here and in America.

I briefly dated another guy, who invited me out to dinner at a very nice restaurant in Silom. He picked up the tab of what I’d estimate was around 1000 Baht. These guys do exist, but they are a lot harder to find than those just looking for sex. Of course, that’s not unique to Thailand. What’s unique is at my age they are still available.

I’ve dated five or six guys with sincere intentions. The majority of which did not have sex with me. Although there were a couple of them I wish had, it’s completely understandable I won’t always get any when seriously dating someone.

Photo Courtesy of Gay Asian Amateurs

One huge issue that must be addressed with each is my active sex life. It is generally frowned upon and, once discovered, can quickly end any possibility for a relationship. I’ve found its best to be right up front about it. After all, it isn’t something I can hide, so why try. Either he will be tolerant of it or he will not. I guarantee one thing, every single guy will ask.

I’m still on the fence about getting into a long-term relationship. A lot of my Farang friends tell me I’d be smart if I didn’t. Others suggest I wait until I’ve gotten all the recreational urges out of my system, and become more acclimated with Thai culture.

I do prefer being in a relationship, and have no problem being monogamous. I guess it’s just a matter of meeting the right guy, and not trying to rush into something. At this point I’m comforted in knowing the potential for a relationship is real, something that has long past me by in America.