This is another one of those little pieces of Thai culture I find fascinating.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

Calling a boy by his father’s name is a huge HUGE insult. I realize it’s highly unlikely you would know the name of a boy’s father, and even more remote you would inadvertently call the boy by his father’s name, but it is an interesting twist compared to western thinking.

I don’t remember exactly what the reasoning is behind it, but it has something to do with diminishing the boy’s status or self worth.

I’ve just added a new page about Khao San Road, a place I highly recommend seeing at least once while visiting Bangkok.

Kissing on the lips is not part of traditional Thai culture. Western influence brought the practice of kissing on the lips to Thailand, so it tends to be more popular with younger Thais living in metropolitan areas…or at least that’s been my observation.

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When I first came to Thailand I made the assumption most boys do not like to kiss. Fact is, a lot of openly gay boys, but not all, do enjoy kissing. My misinterpretation came from seeing mostly money boys. Come to find out, a lot of boys in the sex trade are taught that swapping spit is an unsafe sex practice, so they choose to abstain with customers, even though many do enjoy it. In these cases, the best you can expect is a tightly closed lip kiss, and not much of it I might add.

I also noticed some money boys will take a tissue and wipe the inside of their mouth out occasionally during a session of heavy kissing. I’m not sure why they do this, but assume it has something to do with safe sex practices.

Thais from the northeast region of Isan have their own unique way of kissing. It involves sniffing their partner’s hair near the temple and ear. It may also involve sniffing the shoulder, often moving up the neck to the ear. I’ve also observed this practice with boys from the south, but can not say, with any confidence, how popular it is in other regions of Thailand.

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I use to think it was appropriate to sniff a boy’s ear while in public, particularly while in and around gay clubs. Come to find out, sniffing a boy’s ear is comparable to slipping him the tongue. While the boy will probably say nothing, it is actually very embarrassing for him. In fact, any display of sexual affection is taboo in Thai culture. This includes holding hands, and placing ones arm around his waist or shoulders.

A lot of modern/western thinking Thais have loosened up on this cultural standard, but there is no easy way to determine each individual’s limits, so it’s best to let the boy take the lead on these things…at all times. Just because a boy holds your hand in one public situation, doesn’t mean he’s comfortable doing so anytime you get the urge.

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One final note: If a boy sniffs you it means he REALLY likes you…a lot!

It’s very common with boys to let one or both of their pinky finger nails grow out. When both are growing out, one is usually longer than the other. The shorter one is intended as a replacement when the long one breaks.

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In America one might assume individuals with long pinky nails enjoy partaking of a white powdery substance up the nose. To suspect a Thai of the same would be a mistake.

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When asked, most boys will tell you it is for cleaning their ears, or scratching an itch. While that may be true, it’s not the primary reason they do it. The biggest advantage in growing out one’s pinky nail is it greatly improves on the daily task of nose picking. The air is so dirty in Bangkok, its an efficient way to scrape out all the crud that accumulates each day.

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I originally wrote a page titled “Thai Nicknames”, but I decided it really needed to cover all components of a Thai person’s name, as it’s quite interesting stuff. I also needed to update my explanation of Thai nicknames. The revised page is now titled Thai Names.

I’ve just added Paying the Bill, a new page that focuses mostly on how Thai boys can be very helpful with paying for meal checks, drink tabs, taxi fare, and other common expenses you will encounter while out on the town or sight seeing.

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You will hear the phrase “take good care of you” many times while in Thailand, and its not just about sex. This is just one example of what that phrase encompasses.

I don’t remember where I wrote this, but I know I’ve talked in the past about loosing face. What I wrote before was not exactly correct. I equated loosing face to public embarrassment of someone, and in turn this will cause that individual to loose face.

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Face is better equated to self respect. It is something a person accumulates or looses through his own actions in front of others. Thus, if you cause someone public embarrassment it is YOU that looses face, not the injured party. Only if the injured party reacts badly does he also loose face. And then you are also guilty of causing him to loose face.

This is something that took me a very long time to realize, but once I did it was more like an epiphany. For the longest time, several individuals, both Thai and farang, accused me of being too transactional with the boys I was taking home. This confused me, because I knew you needed to nail things down upfront before agreeing to take a boy, and you do, but not to the extent I was taking it.

It finally dawned on me that it is a huge mistake to try and negotiate upfront the price or length of stay. Doing so gives control to the boy and sets the stage for what will almost certainly be a huge disappoint. It is difficult to explain, and that’s probably why no one could with me, but you definitely do not want to set these boundaries with a boy.

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What I learned was you always take a boy with the unspoken assumption it is for short time. This means the boy will come home with you for two or three hours, how ever long it takes to “make you happy”, and then leave. He will expect the going rate for short time which is usually 1000 baht. Then just let the evening evolve spontaneously. The odds of you having a really good experience go way up when you set your expectations low, and create an incentive for the boy to do his best.

Sometimes the boy will inform you upfront he can only go short time. If this happens just say “up to you” and leave it at that. You might be surprised how often the boys change their mind.

If the boy fancies you, and his schedule permits, he may very well stay the night, or longer. Because you did not ask up front for long time, he is not in a position to demand higher compensation. You now have control over how much, if any, he should be paid above the short time rate. You also have control over when he should leave, if of his own volition the boy has turned it into a long time stay. All you have to do is hand the boy compensation and thank him for taking good care of you. He will understand this means its time to gracefully exit. If he still wants to stay longer, simply explain you have things to do before he will be finished sleeping. You can even joke with him about how you know all Thai boys like to sleep long time.

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Realize if a boy elects to stay over he will probably sleep till mid or late afternoon. If this is a problem for you, don’t let him stay. Trust me when I say you don’t want to experience the unpleasant task of waking a sleeping Thai boy, and neither does he.

Sam just left a very nice comment that reminded me of something I’ve been meaning to share with you. On my Important Thai Words page I talk about the phrase “not want” (mai ao) and how useful it is in dealing with a variety of situations where someone is pushing something on you. The only downside to this is a lot of Thais will not take no for an answer and keep pushing.

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In many circumstances a more effective approach is to simply say you are going to eat and keep walking. You can try saying it in English, “I go eat”, but will get much better results if you say it in Thai – by gin kaao (go eat rice) cap.

Eating is almost a sacred cow in Thailand, and no Thai would think of trying to interrupt someone wishing to do so. It works any time of day or night, because Thais eat when they are hungry, as apposed to scheduled times we westerners prefer.

I learned this from a friend as we walked down a street filled with tourist vendors and barkers. It was impressive as I watched each stop and smile after learning we were on a mission to feed ourselves.

It’s stuff like this I absolutely love about discovering new cultures…

Somehow I got into a discussion with a boy from the south about baby teeth. I told him how we usually pull the teeth using a string, often tied to a door knob, and the whole thing about the Tooth Ferry. He said that pulling with a string was also done in Thailand, but they did not have a Tooth Ferry. Instead, they take lower teeth and throw them on the roof of their house for the rat, and uppers are thrown under the house for Mr. Rodent. The rat, in turn, would bring the boy a new tooth.

Knowing some practices differ from one region of Thailand to the next, I decided to ask boys from Northern Chiang Mai, Eastern Isan, and Central Bangkok how they do it. They all confirmed the southern boy’s story, with one exception. In the other three regions all teeth get thrown on the roof. A different southern boy explained there is good reason for throwing lowers up and uppers down. It’s the only way to make sure your new teeth grow in the right direction. To ignore this would result in an ugly smile, and we certainly can’t have that…now can we?

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