I’ve done extensive research on this, speaking to both Thai and farang, and feel very comfortable with what I am about to say.

Special yellow shirts, bearing the royal insignia, are worn by the Thai people as a symbol of reverence for their king. Yellow is King Bhumibol Adulyadej’s birth color, traditionally corresponding to the day he was born, a Monday. Thus, on Mondays, these special shirts are the garment of choice for most Thais. Many Thais choose to wear the shirt on other days of the week, as well.

Once I learned about the shirt, and its significance, I was immediately curious as to the appropriateness of westerners wearing it. What I found was it is not only acceptable, but well received…assuming you do so respectfully. With this in mind, I had concerns about the appropriateness of wearing the shirt in and around the gay bars, particularly those involved with the sex trade. I was told it is not considered disrespectful, but will be viewed as tacky, or in poor taste. Just look around when you are in those areas and see how many yellow shirts you can count. Odds are if you do see one, it will be on a farang.

If you are accustom to wearing an XL size shirt in the States, an XXL is the equivalent in Thailand. This size is not as easy to find, because most shops only stock smaller sizes, popular with the Thai consumer. You will have better luck finding the larger sizes, of any clothing item, in areas that cater to westerners.

I’ve already done a page about the colors of the day, but completely forgot to mention the color purple has another important significance. While pink is often thought of as the gay pride color in America, purple is the choice of Gay Thailand. Like many other things in Thailand, purple was probably barrowed/adapted from the UK, as they too have selected purple to represent gay pride.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

I can’t say I’ve ever noticed purple dominating anything in Gay Thailand. From my perspective the rainbow AND pink are more dominant. Although, I couldn’t help but notice Dreaded Ned’s did their web site in purple. And there is the Purple Dragon gay tour company.

While I have no doubt purple is the gay color of Thailand, I would not go so far as to assume a cute Thai boy wearing the color is advertising his sexual preference.

If a Thai boy asks you (farang) to barrow money, he really means give. Do not expect to get paid back, even if he says he will. I’m sure there are exceptions, but ask 10 farang, that have lived in Thailand for more than 6 months, and you will hear the same.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

When a Thai asks another Thai for money it may, or may not, be a loan. It really depends on the nature of their relationship. If they are close friends (brothers) the money is not a loan. If the recipient tried to pay his close friend back it would be a huge insult. Both understand they will be there to help each other if they can, just as family would do.

A lot of guys are under this misconception a Thai boy will stay with him, during their visit to Thailand, without expecting any cash. They reason the boy is already getting compensated by the all expense paid vacation he enjoys with the farang. I don’t care if you fly him to a resort island, stay in a five star hotel, enjoy the finest food and beverage, go to the clubs and beach every day/night, and buy him gifts. The only thing the boy is really going to care about is cash!

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

While there are exceptions, VERY FEW, most boys do not have an independent source of income, or the luxury of taking off for a few days or weeks. If he does not have a job, he’s a money boy. If he has a job, or is in school, he can’t leave it. When all is said and done, these boys still have to pay the rent, utilities, cell phone minutes, and send some money to mom. They can’t just drop everything for a 3 week vacation in Phuket. The boy assumes you know this…what moron wouldn’t?

The few boys that do have an independent source of income, their rich parents, typically do not gravitate toward farang over the age of 35. They are party boys, and taking care of the expenses is more than enough. They all hang out at DJ Station and the on-line hookup sites, but if you are too old you’re not even on their radar.

At a bare minimum, you should pay the boy between 200 and 300 baht a day, if he is staying with you for a week or more. If you are keeping him for 3 to 4 weeks, and you are any kind of a half way decent human being, you’ll give the boy between 8k and 10k baht. Just to put things into perspective, 8,000 baht is roughly $250. Now come on! The boy is taking care of your EVERY want and need for most, if not all, of his working month. If he stays at home and works one night customers he has the potential of making a lot more, but should easily bring in 8k, particularly if he’s a good boy.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

One of the reasons why so many of the really good boys have disappeared is because there are too many cheap ass bastard farang that either don’t care, or don’t realize just how good they have it. Try getting a nice boy to wait on you hand and foot for a month, and give you sex whenever you want it, in YOUR home country. This is just a wild ass guess on my part, but I doubt $250 would buy you more than one day!

When I first started talking to the boys on-line, such as at Gay Romeo, a lot of them would type 555 in their messages to me. I’d asked them what 555 is, but none would respond. Then one day I was having a drink with a boy and I mentioned this to him. His response was, “555 Ha Ha Ha.” I instantly realized how utterly stupid I had been. The number 5 is pronounced “HA” in Thai. Well, I am blond, or at least I was until everything turned gray.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

If you’ve ever wondered just how different Thai culture is from ours, this will give you an idea.

In America we have three levels of friend. There is the casual friend, such as the guy we only run into at our favorite bar, or a coworker. Then there’s the regular friend; someone you hang out with, have over to the house, talk to on the phone, invite to parties, and so on. Last is the close or best friend. This is the person you would do just about anything for. It is more of a loving relationship.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

In Thai culture there are 14 levels of friend. I have no idea how each is defined, but it certainly gives you a feel for the complexity of their society.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

Be careful with over using Mr, or the Thai equivalent Khon (coon). It’s good to do in formal introductions, or with people in a more business oriented relationship or encounter, but may have a negative affect if used in more casual situations. It is difficult to explain, and arguably a subjective call, but always keep in mind it elevates the status of the person you are talking to, or about. Used inappropriately, and you risk loosing the boy’s respect by giving him too much. What we think of as a simple complement, may not always be taken the same in Thai culture. Farang have a tendency to learn something and over use it, ignorant of its true meaning in different situations, and I’m as guilty as the rest.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

If you arrange a time with boy to come see you for sex, and he is more than 15 minutes late, send him away. Make sure you let him know up front if he is late it will not be good for you. Then if he is late tell him it is not good for you. No matter what he says, stick to your guns. He is thinking you are so horny it doesn’t matter if he is late. Thus, he is taking control, and you can not allow this. The boy will not respect you if you let him control the situation. Do this and I guarantee next time the boy will be on the mark, if not early, and with a smile on his face. And there’s a very good chance the sex will be better.

I’m going to do something a bit different here.

A comment exchange has developed, on the general comments page, involving cultural questions Roger has about his new found Thai relationship. I’ve decided to create this post to give more focus to the discussion. The discussion is moving into territory others might be more qualified to answer. I encourage participation from anyone with the experience to answer Roger’s questions.

Previous comments…

# Roger Says:
February 29th, 2008 at 9:21 pm

Thanks so much for the blog. I made my first trip to Thailand last November. I went to get over a 8-year relationship that had ended. I had never really dated or even had sex with Asian guys before, and it was the last thing on my mind. Well, now I guess I am obsessed. I met a great Thai boy, and we chat and web cam everyday (sometimes hours) - I’ve got a real good guy in him. I am making a trip back in a few months, and I am meeting his family. What do I do? Any advice for making a good impression on the future in-laws?

# webmaster Says:
February 29th, 2008 at 9:40 pm

Roger,

Get the book Culture Shock Thailand and read it from cover to cover about 3 times. Let the boy guide you in social protocol situations. Keep in mind Thais do not expect you to be Thai. In fact, your charm is that you are not. Don’t be surprised if his family’s living conditions are just a few steps above that of camping with a tent. Smile a lot!

# Jeff Says:
March 1st, 2008 at 4:14 am

Roger,

Read the page he added. He knows what he is talking about. Having visited Thailand many times over the years, I watched this scenario play out over and over. He repeats “your situation is different” for a reason…..we all hear it over and over as well. And then the same results. You would be wise to take his advice to heart.

Jeff

# Roger Says:
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:34 am

Thanks for the advice (I had not read that book before). Yeah I know every situation is different, and I am no stranger to the rougher side of life and nobody’s mark. In the USMC I was stationed in Japan and Korea, so I’ve got the general feel for Asian culture. What is the dynamic between a gay son and his father, or sibilings in Thai culture? And my friend is an auditor and his family runs their own businesses so I think that we will do a little better than tents, but then that can be fun too. LOL

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

Roger,

I’ll share with you what I know, or believe to be correct, but its probably not going to fully answer your question, and my assumptions could be inaccurate.

From boys I’ve known, my impression is the relationship with their father is somewhat distant, but respectful. One very knowledgeable farang once told me that boys never hear the words “I love you” from their father. In fact, the only time they ever hear it is from their mother, when they are very young. I’ve not gotten confirmation on this from other sources.

While this is no different from western culture, most fathers have great difficulty with the news their son is gay. Mothers, on the other hand, seem to be more understanding. I was told a story once of a comment one mother made about her son being gay. She was happy, because he would be in a better position to take care of her when she got old, as he was freed from the financial burden of raising his own family.

I’ve already posted about the influence women have over the men in the family. I knew a boy that absolutely hated his step father. His step father turned very ill, and was hospitalized with a 50/50 chance of recovery. His mother was also ill, and asked her son to return home (12 hours by bus) to sit bedside in the hospital, because she could not. He did what he was asked.

I have it from several sources that Thai children are, for the most part, cared for by their older siblings. I assume this is done because the parents need to work long hours, either on the farm or at a job. I don’t know how much this impacts sibling relationships, but think it is worth noting.

I have only observed the relationship between brothers twice. In both cases they appeared warm and loving. In each, one brother was straight and the other gay. I don’t get the impression most siblings care much about each other’s sexual preference, but I do know in some cases it is an issue.

It is important to remember that the lines of sexuality are a bit blurred in Thai society. In fact, there is no equivalent word in the Thai language for gay. Many of my farang friends are of the impression there is no such thing as straight in Thai culture – just shades of gray. From my observations, I’d be inclined to agree.

Many families pressure gay boys to get married and raise a family when they get older. I seriously doubt it stops them from having relations with other men, and I suspect most wives are aware of it.

My point being, I don’t think you can nail down how most families deal with, or relate to, their gay son/sibling. If there is an all encompassing answer to this, I suspect the farang outsider is not privy to it.

Like most things I talk about there are exceptions, but the average life of a Thai boy/farang relationship is roughly 6 to 8 months. A few will last as long as 3 years. Those that survive longer represent a percentage too small to constitute a statistic.

There are a number of reasons for this, but the biggest is the westerner’s ignorance of Thai culture. I say this with absolute confidence…no farang should enter into a long-term relationship before living full time in Thailand for a bare minimum of 6 months. Ideally the length of stay should be 2 to 5 years, depending on how quickly one grasps the unique complexities of this culture.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

I would venture to say most relationships, that truly go the distance, are with farang that have lived in Thailand for an extended period. On the flip side, there are westerners that live in Thailand for 20 years and never really understand enough to take on a successful relationship with a Thai.

I’m not suggesting you avoid entering into a relationship, but do so without blinders on. Go into the relationship with the understanding it will most likely fail…within months. Don’t squander your entire life savings on the first boy you meet and fall in love with. It happens…A LOT! But of course…your situation is different…right? Maybe so, but not very likely I’m afraid.

A very important rule to learn, as it relates to spending your money on a boy and his family - set the bar very low, because it will only go up and you can NEVER EVER lower it.

Some will not like what I am about to say, and I will reiterate their ARE exceptions, but they are rare. When a boy, particularly one from Isan, takes his new found farang to see the family it is a strategic move on his, and his family’s, part to seal the deal. They are going to pull out all the stops, and make you feel like a king. And you are going to witness, not to mention experience, the absolute poverty your new found love’s family lives in. It is a well orchestrated play that has been running longer than any show on Broadway, and it WORKS!

I’ve been meaning to write this for a long time, but a new comment posted inspired me stop putting it off. It’s a bitter pill some may choose not to swallow. Believe me when I say…that’s completely understandable. Your situation is different…right?

Roger,

If you don’t like this answer, go with my original comment - both are appropriate. Every situation is different, so use your best judgment and enjoy.