I’ll include this in the next Thai English page update, but find it so interesting I’ve decided to write an entire post about it.

Photo Courtesy of Asian Boy Feet

The story begins when my BF comes home from work complaining he has cut his finger.  Then he went on about how his sox and shoe were too tight, making it very uncomfortable to walk.  I’m thinking these are two separate complaints and decide to focus first on the cut finger.  So I ask him to show me his injury, and he plants his foot in my lap saying, “Look…you can see.”  He then points to his big toe, at which point I notice its red a puffy right next to the toenail.

My immediate conclusion was he had an ingrown toenail, but before addressing that issue I wanted to know about the cut on his finger.  So I said, “What about your cut finger?”  He says, “I show you now.” I’m also getting the look that says, “What?  Are you stupid or something?”  I’ll spare you the details of the conversation that followed and jump right to the lesson learned.

The Thai language does not have an equivalent word for toe. They have one word to describe both fingers and toes, and when translated to English they just say fingers.  The obvious question is, “How do you know if someone is talking about fingers or toes if they both have the same name?”  Well, like many things in Thai, you start with the more general and tack on the specifics.  In this case it would be finger hand and finger foot.

As a side bar to all of this I learned that most, if not all, of the pedicure shops here also specialize in the removal of ingrown toenails.  My BF didn’t want to wait until the next day to seek relief, deciding instead to do the surgery himself…I got to play nurse.  So with the aid of some improvised surgical instruments, and proper sterilization, he went digging.  I’m happy to say the operation was a success.

One of the things I love about my BF is he has a great sense of humor.  It’s also the number one reason all his Thai friends say they like him so much.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

While he was getting ready for work this morning, I was pulling together a load of laundry to be washed.  I didn’t have quite enough to fill the machine, so I asked if he had any colors that need washing.  He responded by bringing out two pair of pants.  Knowing he never checks his pockets I did a quick squeeze of them to see if they needed emptying.  I didn’t notice anything and started to add the two items to the wash.  He quickly took them back and did a more thorough inspection by checking inside the pockets.  Out came coins and papers from both.

At this point he felt compelled to inform me I only needed to check the right front pocket, because the left was reserved for his mobile phone exclusively.  I responded satirically by asking where he keeps his condoms.  Well, he didn’t miss a beat coming back with, “My center pocket.”

For those that don’t know this, Thailand has a national health care plan.  From what I understand it was launched in 2001, and has gone through some modifications over the years.  It is also possible more changes are to come under the new government.  I don’t have all the details on how socialized medicine is structured in Thailand, but I’ve learned enough to point out some things every farang should know.

I haven’t been able to find much detail about it on the internet, so what I know is largely from what the boys have told me.  Best I can determine, most, if not all, medical needs are covered for a 30 baht co-pay, provided the services are delivered by a “designated” facility in the home district of the individual.  What this means is most boys we come in contact with will have to travel back home to take advantage of inexpensive medical care.  The home of record can be changed, but only if the boy is working at a job that pays taxes, something most we meet do not qualify for.

Dental is also covered, but with restrictions.  They will fix cavities, but only with amalgam (the boys call it black) fillings.  If the boy wants white, he has to pay extra.  Things like crowns and root canals are not covered, so the only option is tooth extraction.   A crown can cost between 10 and 15 thousand baht, and a root canal runs about 10k, something most boys can’t afford. This is probably why you see so many boys with one or more teeth missing, that and motor bike accidents.  Also, the designated dental clinics are only open Monday through Friday for a limited number of hours each day, so you can imagine what that must be like.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

The sole purpose in my writing about this is to let everyone know it’s not a game when a boy wants to return home for medical care.  On the other hand, it might very well be a scam if the boy hits you up for helping with a relative’s medical bills.

A little over a year ago a boy that was staying with me had gone out drinking with his friends.  The boy got so drunk he accidentally fell, taking the table with drinks and mixes with him.  Everything landed on top of him and he got drenched in whiskey, soda, and coke.  So the boy went to a friend’s house, showered and changed into some barrowed clothes.  He eventually made it back home carrying just his dirty underwear.  After telling me what had happened, the boy said his friend would wash the clothes and he would go pick them up at a later date.  I asked why he didn’t leave his underwear, and he explained that it would be inappropriate to ask of a friend, because underwear is dirty.  At the time I got the impression this thinking was consistent with all Thais, but didn’t bother to get confirmation.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

This surfaced again last week when a friend started using a new laundry service at his condominium.  The price list detailed how much for each item, such as pants, shirts, towels and sheets.  Noticeably missing from the list was underwear.  When he enquired how much they charged for washing underwear the service quoted him 25 baht each, exorbitant considering a shirt was only 15, and would be ironed.  This generated “further discussion” resulting in a new quote of 3 baht per item. The service is never going to admit it, but they were obviously pricing the task high in hopes of not getting the job.

So I asked a couple of boys what the deal was with washing someone’s dirty undies.  I learned that while feet are considered the dirtiest part of the body, the same does not apply to clothing.  When it comes to apparel, Thais consider worn underwear dirtier than sox.  Thus, most boys would never think of asking a friend to wash their undies, particularly if they are being hand washed.  Each is a little different, but at the extreme a Thai would rather hand wash his underwear in the room than include them with the other items being done by a laundry service.  Others are less concerned if they know the shorts are being washed in a machine.  However, even if machine washed, some might not want a friend to do it for them.

I’ve also noticed that some boys staying with me will wash their underwear while showering, rather than tossing them in the laundry for me to take care of.

One of the boys I’ve known for a long time told me something very interesting the other night.  To give you an idea of his perspective, he’s mostly a category 2 but has dabbled at being a money boy.  He also has a lot of friends that are, or have been, money boys, including some that are bar boys.  However, this boy has never worked in a bar.  He’s what I call a part time freelancer.  You see a lot of boys like this.  They usually hold down a regular job and occasionally go with a farang for some extra cash, but their primary goal is usually to find a long-term relationship with a farang.

I learn a lot from this boy because he tends to be more candid about things the other boys won’t talk about.  The hardcore money boys are part of a subculture that has its own set of rules, including that of keeping many things about their trade a secret from farang.  This boy, and those like him, don’t subscribe to those rules, so they are the best source for learning about many things that are simply not discussed by the full time money boys.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

I’ve talked in the past about not giving the boys too much money or gifts, as you will be labeled “easy” and won’t earn their respect, and this offers a different slant on the same subject.

What the boy told me was you can not loose sight of the fact a money boy’s primary goal is to make money.  Thus, if you over pay a boy, and/or give him gifts, you have set the stage for being mislead as to what his true feelings are for you.  He was careful to stipulate it doesn’t mean you will always get an accurate read on a boy by paying him the fair market rate, and not lavishing him gifts.  The point he was making is you are guaranteed to receive false signals if you give him more than what he considers fair.

My friend went on to explain any time you over pay a boy he’ll instantly see you as a cash cow, and do his level best to try and hold onto a good thing.  For those just visiting this includes staying in touch with you after you’ve departed for home.  He’s going to want your phone number, Email address, and MSN, so he can stay in contact and tell you how much he misses you.  The boy will do everything he can to ensure repeat business, both now and in the future.  He wants to make sure you will look him up when you’re back in town, and his persona will be that of a boy smitten.

Based on what I already know, and what the boy shared with me, I’m able to extrapolate the following…

Our culture is of the mindset you tip according to the quality of service, so it’s only natural for us to give these boys more if they have delivered an above average experience. There’s nothing wrong with doing this, provided you maintain realistic expectations.  In other words, don’t loose sight of the fact you’ve created your own monster.  And it doesn’t end there.

If you like making the rounds, you’ve now set the stage for all the boys to seemingly fancy you.  That first boy is going to do his best to hold onto you, but once you’ve made it clear you’re a rolling stone the other boys are going to move in.  There was no way for the first boy to know how well you were going to pay him, so the  good treatment you got was most likely genuine, because he truly fancied you.  But once you’ve crossed that line and over compensate the landscape changes.  Every new boy you encounter may very well know how much you paid the first, so fancy becomes fantasy.  And guess what?  That means you’ve been labeled “easy” and they no longer respect you.  Now you are a monetary target, and they will do whatever it takes to get a piece of that lucrative action.

The boys that follow are going to pull out all the stops, making it difficult for you to know if they really do fancy you, or it’s just an act.  Thus it’s very easy to fall into a trap of paying them all more than the fair rate. The difference is these boys don’t give a shit about you, and over time it will start to show.

In the mean time, the first boy, who really does like you, is all screwed up.  His true potential will never materialize, because you set the bar too high from the start.  He is a low class poor boy working as a prostitute, and you created a distraction that can not be ignored.  The boy fancied you from the beginning and would have been more than happy to receive what’s fair.  In fact, he probably would not have cared if you under paid him, provided it was more than a one night stand.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

Now if you like hopping from one fresh face to another, and don’t mind shelling out the cash, none of this is important.  However, many of us have learned, over the long haul, doing so becomes very unsatisfying.  It doesn’t make any difference if you live here, or visit one or more times a year.  The best approach is to establish long-term relationships with a core group of really good boys that truly like you.  These are not boy friends, and they know you see other boys.  In addition, they are more than happy to receive fare market compensation or less.  Relationships like these take time to develop, and can not be bought by over compensating.

You can give the boys a little extra on occasion, but it has to be managed carefully, or they start to get spoiled.  The other day one of the boys I see regularly, who gets 500 baht every time we have sex, asked how much I thought a new blanket would cost.  Come to find out he did not have one and with the cooler winter temperatures arriving, he was sleeping cold at night.  I’m sure the boy knew how much blankets cost, and was just hoping I’d help, but he wasn’t about to come right out and ask.  Of course, I took him that day to Big C where we picked out a nice blanket. I also tossed in a bolster pillow so he had something to cuddle with.  The total cost for those items was about 800 baht.  He also loves 3-ways, and one night when we were out drinking I said to him it would be nice to sandwich with one of his and my favorite boys, but I really didn’t want to spend the extra money.  He said don’t worry about me; just take care of the other boy, because he needs it more.  You don’t get relationships like this by spoiling the boys, and they certainly don’t happen over night.

I started this with the expectation it would only be a few paragraphs and now it’s competing with “War and Peace”.  This topic is extremely difficult to cover properly, because there are so many variables.  All I can hope for is people will take the general concept and apply it best they can to their unique situation.  I’ll sum it up by saying this…

If you really want to help a boy, don’t put him in a situation that will ultimately result in a quick ending to what could have been a long and rewarding experience - for both you and him.

Pattaya is always a moving target, so I expect things to have changed each time I visit, but this time I experienced something I’ve never seen before.  First I should explain my preference is for Sunee Plaza.  Despite its bad reputation, I like all the open air host bars that make for great people watching.  Thus I never go to Boys Town, as it reminds me of Soi Twilight in BKK, and rarely get to Jomtien because it’s too far out of the way.  I also like to stay at Two Guys Guest House which is conveniently located for taking in the action at Sunee Plaza.

Any way, this was the first time I’ve seen the host bars more popular than the Go Go bars.  Of course, Happy Bar is always hopping and was packed with both boys and customers, but most of the other Go Go bars where dead.  The selection of boys was small and the bars had very few customers in them.  While some of the host bars were also dead, it was obvious to us most customers preferred them over the Go Gos.  As a matter of fact, this was the first time I’ve had a problem getting a table at Come In Bar, my favorite watering hole in Pattaya.

I spoke to a good friend that lives and runs a business in Pattaya.  He confirmed I wasn’t imagining things.  He told me the Go Go bars are hit and miss right now.  With the exception of Happy Bar, you never know from one night to the next if they will have a good selection of boys.  He also said Boys Town is no different, and with the exception of Bamboo Bar, the Jomtien bar scene is gone.  I didn’t bother to confirm either, but perhaps others living there can offer their perspective.

One individual told me the main reason Sunee Plaza Go Go bars have so few customers is they are not comfortable being seen in establishments where the boys’ age is clearly in question.  I must admit, of the Go Go bars I saw with a fair amount of customers, each had a reputation for most, if not all, of their boys being 18 and up.  Could it be a change is in the works and its being driven by the consumer?  I’d like to think so, but my gut tells me this too will be short lived.

I just returned from a few days in Pattaya and have a bunch of things to write about.  For now I thought I’d share this with you.  I don’t know what roadside rest areas are like in other countries but this one, perfectly located about mid-way between Bangkok and Pattaya, puts everything I’ve ever seen in America to shame.

The strip is quite long, starting back near the water tower and continuing a little bit further from where the photo was taken.  Well maintained public toilets are on the left, and an impressive strip of small stores, coffee shops, and fast food restaurants are to the right.

We hire a car and driver for our trips to Pattaya, and this stop along the way always makes the two hour journey a pleasant one.

This was touched on in comments awhile back, but I’m not sure how many read all the comments, so I thought it a good idea to post about.

As a general rule, the boys know very little geography, outside that of Thailand.  For the most part, they know their country very well, and are aware of what countries border Thailand.  Beyond that the majority know next to nothing.

Having a map of Thailand and the world can be very useful and entertaining.  The boys love to show you where they are from in Thailand, so a map with most cities and towns on it comes in handy.  Having a world map for the boys to look at is a great way to stimulate conversation.  They are absolutely festinated with learning where other countries are in relation to Thailand.

One boy was totally blown away when he saw how big China is.  And most want to know where Japan and Korea are located.  The boys are not usually surprised by the size of America, but do want to know where some of the better known cities, like New York and San Francisco, are located.  They all seem to know of Europe, but apparently don’t know what it looks like or where each country is located.

Some day I’d like to get a globe, so the boys can see what the world’s geography really looks like.  In the mean time, a map spread out on the dinning table makes for 30 minutes to an hour of fun and educational discussion.

A reader suggested I post about Thai superstitions and gave some examples he is aware of.  I have posted about a few superstitions, and plan to post more.  I’ve even established a category (see sidebar) for those posts that talk about Thai superstitions.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

While it is true Thais tend to be superstitious, it’s not universal.  Some don’t subscribe to any of it, others are selective in their beliefs, and many have beliefs that others have never heard of.  In addition, the specifics of a particular belief vary from one to the next.  The best example I can think of is in the piece I did about baby teeth.  Also, the details about a specific superstition may get lost due to limited English skills, so all we are told is it brings good or bad luck, when it is often more specific than that.  The best way to illustrate this is to look at the superstitions mentioned by the reader….

He said - “If you’re not BFs you can not share perfume, this is bad luck.”  To be more specific, the two of you will, at some point in the future, have a very bad fight.  However, there is a ritual of passing the cologne under each leg, before using it, which nullifies any possible ill effects.

He said - “Giving perfume as a gift is fine, however when one of his friends said he liked mine, and I offered it to him (it had been opened) he would only accept if I took 1 Thai baht off of him in exchange. This would keep the bad luck away.”  To be more specific, you can not give someone “your” cologne or the recipient risks not seeing you for a very long time if ever again.  And if you give your cologne to your BF you will loose him.  This is nullified provided you sell your cologne, not give it.

He said - “The age of 25 is deemed to be a very unlucky year, and my BF and his friends will be happier when they are all 26!!”  My understanding of this belief is at age 25 you will have either a very good year or a very bad year, but nothing in between.

The reader also asked if there are any others I could contribute.  Well, here’s one a boy shared with me.  He believes its good luck to cut your nails and hair on a Monday or Friday.  And for what it’s worth, this boy does not subscribe to the superstitions governing cologne usage.

ADDED BEFORE POSTING

A comment came in from a Thai reader after I wrote this, but before it got posted.  His comments further illustrate what I’ve been talking about.

“…some believe of Thai boy that you wrote might be a little bit difference from what my friends i believe, but well i think that because all those things is also depend on which part we are from in Thailand e.g north part might believe difference from south part. or like rob said about have to give one baht to exchange that opened perfume, well i never heard about perfume but i heard about handkerchief and a reason why we have to give 1 baht or more to exchange with handkerchief because if we take it for free we will be unlucky and have a sad life..why sad life? well because we use handkerchief to clean our face and also absorb our tear when we cry because of sadness so a handkerchief is not a good gift to give at least a person who give have to accept a little money…and about when we are 25 we will have a bad luck is a true story that we believe for a long time and the way to make a bad luck away or make it softer is to go to a temple and make a merit ”

Sometimes I think, by its nature, this non confrontational society breeds complete disregard for others.  I see it all the time. A common example is when people stop to  have a conversation in a location that completely disrupts the flow of traffic, such as in door ways, or at the top of a stair case or escalator.  I’ve seen bikes and motor bikes parked on sidewalks in such a way that it blocks all from passing by.  The bike could just as easily have been turned a different way to prevent this, but no effort was made to take others into consideration.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Of course, no one says anything and the person(s) doing it knows they won’t, so thoughtfulness to others goes right out the window, or at least that’s how I interpret it.  I suppose in rural areas this sort of thing isn’t such a big deal, but on the crowded streets of Bangkok it can be quite annoying.

This complete disregard for others is not limited to the blocking of paths.  If someone needs to do something that makes a lot of noise, absolutely no consideration is given to the hour and how many people will be wakened from a deep sleep.  A commercial building, next to my condo, was setting up some sort of outdoor event that involved the use of a public address system.  To this day I have no idea why they thought it appropriate to do sound checks at five in the morning.

I could go on with an endless list of examples where Thais seemingly go through life in their own bubble, with no aparant concern for how their conduct impacts the lives of others.  The only conclusion I can reach is society’s strict adhearance to the avoidance of conflict has opened the door to mass disreguard for each other, because there are no consequences for their actions.

I do find merit in a society that believes in avoiding confrontation, but it seems to me this is only of value if everyone takes into consideration how their actions affect others.  Without both in play there isn’t any balance.  The scales are simply tipped in the other direction.

A Thai once told me that a big part of being Buddhist is always being aware of your actions and how they affect “everything” around you.  I can’t help but wonder if “everything” excludes other people.