I was listening to a farang friend talk to a boy on the phone the other day and came to a realization about use of the word lazy.  He was trying to arrange a last meeting with the boy before he returned to Cambodia the next day.  He didn’t want to make the long trip to the boy’s room, and the boy wasn’t thrilled about commuting into Silom to see his farang friend.  So he said something along the lines of, “I am too lazy to go your room and you too lazy to go out, so I guess I see you next time I’m in Bangkok.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

Even though I’ve had many experiences with boys telling me they are too lazy about something, until now, I’d always felt saying it was a bit insulting.  What I’ve come to realize is it can be insulting, depending on the context.  If I say it in a way that suggests the boy is always lazy, he’ll quickly defend himself.  But apparently, if talking about a specific situation, it takes on a different meaning.  It’s really more like saying “I don’t feel like it right now” or “I don’t want to do that at this moment.”

I find other words in the translator for lazy, but not “kee kee ak”, yet that’s what I hear the boys using, and they all tell me it means lazy.  One of the Soi 6 bars pays the boys more if they just wear their underwear.  I asked one boy why he doesn’t want to make the extra money and his answer was, “I keekeeak.”  I asked one of the boys that hangs out in my room if he wanted to go to the grocery store with me.  He said, “No, I keekeeak.”  Actually he was busy chatting with a Thai friend on the computer, and didn’t want to stop.  Funny thing is, this boy IS lazy all the time, and I’ve started to jokingly call him the keekeeak princess, something he accepts as endearing humor and doesn’t get offended.

I suspect there is more to this than I already know, but feel comfortable in saying lazy is acceptable to say, if used in the proper context.

Something that’s been on my mind lately is the real possibility some RQD readers think I’ve got all these things I talk about nailed down and never screw them up.  That’s not the case at all.  I mess up all the time.  Its one thing to know the what, why and how, and another to actually put them in practice.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

The greatest moment for me was when I achieved enough understanding to recognize, usually the next day, that I’d screwed something up.  Prior to that I was completely oblivious to the mistakes I was making.  It didn’t change the fact I was then, and now, handling situations wrong at times.  And, of course, there are still things I don’t know or understand.

The longer I live here, the better I get at it, because over time it becomes more second nature.  Recently I had a wonderful visit over lunch with one of the RQD readers, and he said the same thing.  Even though you know how to do it, your cultural imprinting often dominates the situation and some boy’s feelings ends up getting hurt.

I’ve begun to realize that part of the reason I write this blog is, for lack of a better way of saying it, good therapy.  It’s a way of reminding me how things should be done.

Don’t get frustrated when you get it wrong sometimes.  Instead, rejoice in the recognition of your mistakes.  Then, at least, you can make amends.

I’ve noticed it’s quite common for boys to use the phrase “in my life” in place of “from my life experience” or “this is the way I’ve always done it” or “this is how I was raised to do it”.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

A good example would be when I ask a boy I’m living and having sex with why he still keeps his towel on, after a shower, while putting on his underwear - both pairs I might add.  I explain I’ve seen him naked many times, so I don’t understand why he still gets dressed this way.  The answer has always been something like, “Because it what I do in my life.”

One other more obvious use is when a boy is talking about how something did or will affect his life.  As an example, a boy might say, “I want boyfriend for everything good in my life.”

As you may already know, the Northeast region of Thailand, named Isan, has its own dialect, almost identical to that spoken in Laos.  Most of the bar boys are from Isan, so if you hang around them for any length of time you’ll pick up a few words from their dialect.  The one I use most, and have a lot of fun with, is their word for “the food tastes good”.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

In regular Thai the word is “aroy” with a rolling LR.  If you want to let someone know the food tastes good you can simply exclaim - Aroy!  If someone asks you how the food is, and it’s good, you answer by saying “aroy”.  They may also ask, “Aroy mai?” which means “Taste good no?”  If the food is good, you would respond with, “Aroy!”  Of course, you would never tell the person that provided you with the food it is anything but good.

In Isan dialect, the word is “saaap”.  It is best to ask a boy how to say it correctly, as I can’t really communicate it in text.  The same usage applies as with “aroy”, but rather than asking you “Saaap mai?” they will use the Isan word for no or not which sounds a lot like boeah or bowah.  So an Isan boy might say to you, “Saaap boeah?”, and your answer would be, “Saaap!”

The fun in this is Thais do not expect you to know any Isan, so when eating with one or more Isan boys suddenly exclaim “Saaap!”, and you’re guaranteed to get a smile and giggle.  Not only will the boys seated with you laugh, but others within hearing range probably will too.

Once a boy discovers you know the word saaap, don’t be surprised if he tests your Isan linguistic skills by asking you, at a meal, “Saaap boeah?”  Impress him by simply responding with, “Saaap!”

Most of us have probably experienced, at least once, a money boy we’ve met for the first time, and brought home for the night, that does a heck of a lot more than just sex.   I’m talking about the boy that waits on you hand and foot.  He washes the dishes, cleans the house, and makes the bed.  Depending on how long the boy stays, he might cook or go on a food or 7 Eleven run for you.  In other words, all the things most boyfriends will do for their farang.  I even had one boy clean my hair brush for me, because he couldn’t find anything else to do in the house.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

When I first encountered boys like this, my thinking was they were just trying to demonstrate how good it would be for me if I decided to BF them.  To a certain extent that is the case, but there’s actually more to it than that.  The first time I heard about this it was described as renting a wife for the night, but I prefer BF.  Traditionally, an offed boy’s responsibilities extend far beyond sexual favors.  You are paying him to take care of you, just as a boyfriend would.

We don’t see boys like this as much any more.  I’m told 5 or 6 years ago they were a lot more common than today.  While it’s not the only criteria for earning the badge of “a good boy” it does weigh heavy, and it’s one of the reasons why you hear so many of the veterans saying you don’t see many good boys any more.

It is my belief the good boys have all gone home, because they are sick of the way we farang treat them.  Those that stay are now jaded, and focus just on making the customer cum…and pay.  I’m suspect some of this is also being driven by the training they receive from their mamasan, but that’s just speculation on my part.

Compared to BKK, Pattaya seems to attract more of the good boys, even those working in the GoGo bars.  In BKK, those working in the GoGo bars of Soi Twilight, are few and far between.  One stands a better chance of finding them in the Soi 6 bars, like Super A or Solid Bar.  You will also find a larger percentage of them working as freelancers.  Perhaps driven by lessons learned from their youth, most of the “take good care of you” boys are 22 or older.  Some would argue that when a boy starts to age out he needs to do more than just rely on his looks, and that’s probably true for many.

I’m not suggesting you should automatically assume a boy like this is a “good boy”, but it is one indication.  What I am saying is, don’t assume the boy is putting on a show for you in hopes of catching the gravy train.  He is, after all, just doing his job, and should be compensated accordingly.

In the past I’ve made it a point to let the boys know when I’m on to them about something they’re trying to hide.  I reasoned it was a good way to teach them not to do it any more.  What on earth was I thinking?

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

One night it dawned on me the only thing I was teaching the boys was how better to keep something from me.  Fact is, the only reason boys hide what they are up to is they’ve concluded you will react negatively to, or be offended by, the truth.  Often times they are mistaken, but not always.

Bottom line is honesty and frankness from the boys is driven largely by their trust in you and how predictable your reaction to things will be…Kreng Jai.  No purpose is served in helping them improve their skills of deception.   Assuming both you and the boy are good people, only time, patience and sincerity will break down this barrier.

While Kreng Jai is a cultural factor, their age is too.  How many of us kept many of our youthful activities a secret from our parents?

The other day my BF brought home a food dish I’d never seen before.  I could not identify the meat in it, and asked what it was.  His first attempts at answering had something to do with egg, or same like egg.  Well, I knew it wasn’t from eggs, so after a few more passes it finally came out that the meat was identical to that found in pork balls, just made larger and sliced up into bite sized pieces.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Why the BF could not recall from his ever growing English vocabulary the word balls, I don’t know.  He is certainly familiar with the word, but at that particular moment he must not have been accessing his English vocabulary database at 100 percent.

In any case, I was curious why he used egg in an attempt to communicate balls, as answers to things like this often open up new doors of understanding.  I had already concluded it was not simply a comparison to something spherical, so further investigation was needed.

Last night I had a Thai boy and farang friend visiting, so I decided to ask the boy about the relationship of eggs to balls.  He could not offer an explanation as to why my BF used egg in place of ball.  The farang, on the other hand, pointed out that the same Thai word for egg (kai) can also mean testicles - balls.  The boy agreed with him, but rejected the concept this was the origin of my BF’s error.

It remains a mystery why the BF said egg when he meant ball, but I did learn one important thing from all of this.  In my experience, the boys don’t know any English words for testicles, so when they come up in conversation I now have a Thai word the boys will understand.

First off, I like Screw Boys.  It’s a uniquely different GoGo bar with a sleazy feel, and they stay open till 3 in the morning.  That said, I want to share with you something that happened to some friends of mine.

I have a farang friend, in his early 30’s, that’s lived here for 8 years and been with the same BF most of that time.  Because of his age he doesn’t have a lot of experience with the GoGo and host bars.  He’s one of those guys that hangs out at DJ Station and the after hour discos where the rules of engagement are very different.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

He had a straight couple visiting him, and they wanted to see a wild gay bar, so I suggested Screw Boys.  My friend knew how to get there, and as they entered Patpong, on the Silom end, a young Thai guy came up and started talking to them.  He asked where they were going and my friend told him Screw Boys.  The boy tagged along with them and said something to the door man when they got to the bar.

They bought a bottle of whisky, and one of the captains took very good care of the group.  Everyone was happy and all had a great time.  When done, they paid the bill and left.  After the group was outside, the Thai BF revealed that the captain had suggested they not let a boy bring them next time, as it would be cheaper.  Come to find out, 400 baht had been tacked onto the bill.  The bar had passed on the “guide’s” finder fee to the customer.

My friend knew about these self appointed guides and how they get paid to bring bars, and other tourist establishments, customers.  But it never crossed his mind that’s what this boy was doing, because a discussion about providing him assistance never took place.  So I told the boy that takes care of me at Banana Bar what happened, and he said it was wrong of Screw Boys to do This.  He told me all the bars pay these guides 100 baht a head, but it does not get passed on to the customer.

These “guides” do not have a relationship with all of the bars, so they are going to take you to one that pays them.  I do get a chuckle out of watching the door men try and take a guide’s customers away from him as he makes his way down the soi.  Apparently its fair game and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

Guides are in all the tourist areas, not just the bars, and they do not have your best interest in mind.  One time a boy and I went to the Grand Palace.  I can’t remember why, but for some reason we decided not to go in.  As we were standing around thinking about what we should do instead, a nice Thai gentleman struck up a conversation with the boy.   He suggested to the boy we take a river tour, and was more than happy to show us a good place to get one.  The place he took us wanted 1200 baht for a private tour boat.  I told the boy we should go eat something and look around some more.  After eating, we discovered a place that would take us to 3 wats along the river for 100 baht each.  So I had the option of paying 200 or 1200.  Guess what I decided?  We ended up having a great time, but that guide would never have shown us the cheaper place we ended up at.

When it comes to drinking in the bars, always check up front what your drinks, or bottle will cost, and if the price for buying the boys a drink is more.  Also make sure they don’t charge you extra for letting a boy drink from the bottle.  This way you will know if they have padded the bill.  My friend didn’t know how much the bottle was, but it still ended up being a lot cheaper than paying 200 baht a drink, so no red flags went off.  Had he asked up front, my friend would have known immediately something was wrong.

I always get a kick out of this particular friend.  He knows a great deal about Thailand and its culture.  He even speaks Thai quite well.  But when it comes to the bars he’s like a fish out of water.

This isn’t actually breaking news, but for those that haven’t been here in awhile I thought I’d share some things.

A new disco called 9 Night Club opened up recently.  If you heard about the building face collapsing into the soi while under renovation, this is what they were working on. The new club is owned by the same people that have Jupiter.  One bar owner speculates they are rotating performers between the two clubs for the nightly shows, but that’s not confirmed.  I’ve been told you can off the boys working at 9 Night Club, and they have a lot of cuties on staff.

It’s nice to see an alternative to DJ Station open up, but so far they aren’t much competition.  I’ve heard mixed reviews on the nightly show, but more important that’s the only time the place gets a crowd.  Once the show ends, the club empties out, probably headed for the action over at DJ’s.

Both Balcony Pub and Telephone have made changes to their exteriors.  Balcony had to, because it suffered minor damage when the 9 Night Club building facade tumbled.  You would have to look closely to see the improvements Balcony made, but they’re there.

Across the street, Telephone replaced the first floor front wall with glass, and bumped it in enough to add another row of exterior seating.  They probably did this, because outside seating is in high demand after the new law banning smoking inside went into affect.  The all glass design really opens the place up and gives those sitting inside a better view of the street.

Café 4 closed, and the art gallery, previously located deeper in the soi took over its space.

There have been other changes in the soi, and more are currently under way, but these are the ones I consider most notable.

A lot of the sex massage places are offering a 4 handed massage - 2 boys.  The cost to the house isn’t that much more, but the tip to the boys doubles, of course.  So at the low end, you can probably get one for around 3000 baht.  Well, technically 2000 if you only pay the minimum 500 baht tip at Bangkok Massage, something I would never do.

Photo Courtesy of One 2 Come

I’ve wanted to treat myself to one, but was curious about what happens when you get to the sex part.  Do the boys have sex with each other, or just take care of you?  I decided to ask a couple of boys, who would know, exactly how this works.

One said the boys would not have sex with each other.  The other told me in most cases this is true, but with one exception.  If the two boys do not know each other very well, and they have an interest in each other, it’s likely they will agree.  The problem is there’s know way to know when this situation exists between two boys.  If you try asking the boys up front about it, the only answer I would trust is no.  If the boys say they will have sex with each other, I’d only believe it when I see it.

So, what it boils down to is luck of the draw.  You can improve your odds slightly with places like Bangkok Massage and Bonny.  Sit at one of the outside bars by the entrance to the soi and observe which boys walk out in couples to go eat.  You can assume when two boys walk out together they are friends, and absolutely will not have sex with each other.

I forgot to ask if the two boys will jack off in front of each other.  I assume most will, but don’t be surprised if one can’t rise to the task.  You might even get one boy to jack the other one off, but don’t bank on it.  Of course, any time two boys do agree to do anything (sex) with each other, their tip goes up.  So if you were going to tip them each a 1000, it jumps to 1500.

On a related topic, I’ve learned a couple of things about Bonny Massage.  In the past I’ve not gone to Bonny, because I’d heard numerous times you can’t select a boy.  What I recently discovered is they do try and assign you a boy, only if you don’t insist on making the selection.  The manager has a photo album of all the boys for customers to thumb through and make their choice.

I also learned that Bonny has a frequent customer discount card.  After X number of visits, the house fee goes down.  The gentleman that told me about this said he now gets a two hour oil and scrub for 600 baht, plus tip to the boy.