I got this press release and thought it worth sharing…

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Cameron Wolf has worked for many years in Asia as an advisor for the US Agency for International Development (USAID) in the field of prevention, care and treatment of HIV/AIDS.   Besides that, he is a well known photographic artist, who has exhibited many times throughout the US.

“Transcendents”, at MUMU Arthouse, is his first exhibition in Bangkok.   It shows a sensitive and powerful journey through the life of the models he has chosen during his time here.

The exhibition, “Transcendents”, explores the bridge between perception and reality, filling the gap between art and spirituality.  He looks deeply into the soul of his subjects, their will to survive and to find dignity and serenity in their lives - even against the norms of society.

The opening at MUMU arthouse will be one of Bangkok’s most exciting art events of this year.   Throughout the evening various artists will perform including a condom fashion show.  A local Thai HIV prevention program, SWING, will benefit through all sales from the exhibition.

But most important: Cameron Wolf’s photo art will make you explore your own transcendence.

Visit The KAOS Website

Don’t miss the after-party by KAOS, at Bangkok’s first underground art-club — RAIN DOGS — just 5 minutes walk from the exhibit at MUMU.  Free entrance.

This is about a conversation I had with a man that’s been working in and around the gay bar scene for over 20 years, including as a GoGo boy when he was younger.  Now in his early 40’s he works mostly as a “guide” for unsuspecting tourists that wander into the red light district with absolutely no clue.  I don’t particularly care for this guy, but stay on good terms with him, as he’s probably not the kind you want as an enemy.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Anyway, he struck up a conversation with me one night and during its course mentioned his 10 year old son.  He said the boy is very good looking and will surely make a lot of money once he turns 18 and can work in one of the GoGo bars.  In all likelihood he will sell his son to one of the bars, and I would not be at all surprised if he makes sure the boy is “well trained” before that happens.

It’s sad really, because this boy will never know anything else in his life but prostitution.  Chances are his mother was also a prostitute and still working in some capacity associated with the business.  I had heard about families of prostitutes before, but this is the first time I actually encountered one.  Boys like this will never be any good, but one farang after another will fall prey to his cunning as they open up their wallets to take care of their new found love.  All along, dad will be in the shadows making sure his son does every thing just right, so the family can cash in on the naive foreigners.

Best I can determine, boys born into prostitution are in the minority, but they do exist and are experts at capturing your heart before your wallet.  With the bar boys, if it looks too good to be true, it very likely is.

Don’t get me wrong, there are good boys working in the bars, but they are few and far between.  When it comes to establishing a relationship with one, any boy that’s been working in the bar for an extended period of time probably isn’t a good candidate.  I know there are exceptions, but that’s exactly what they are.  Any farang that can tell the story of his success will likely have many more accounts of the failures that preceded.

Too many guys come here wearing rose colored glasses.  They want to believe everything they see is real, when in fact most of it is pure fantasy.

Someone once told me Thailand is the land of “none of your business”, an observation I’ve recently concluded is overly simplistic.

Photo Courtesy of Gay Asian Network

One of the things I noticed very early with the boys is their tendency to inform you of things at the last second.  If going out to visit (party) with friends, chances are you will get that information as they are walking out the door.  If money is needed for something you’ll find out about it 5 or 10 minutes before he needs to spend it.  In each case the boys have known about these things hours, or even days before, but don’t feel obligated to share it with you until the time has arrived.  I’ve always attributed this idiosyncrasy to Thais’ “live in the moment” mentality toward life.  But now I’m beginning to think there is more to it than that.  Perhaps a better way of saying it is that living in the moment is a symptom, but not the cause.

Over time I’ve also noticed that communication, particularly regarding things associated with responsibility or obligation, is often very terse.  Small talk, on the other hand, tends to come with great detail.  Initially I thought some, or all, of this was being driven by limited English skills, but soon realized they do it to each other.

When sorting through miscommunications with the boys, I’ve discovered brevity is often the culprit.  One common justification given for why more details, if any at all, were withheld is the assumption those specifics were already known or previously discussed.  More often than not, no explanation can be offered for why greater detail was omitted.  In these circumstances it may be the boys simply don’t have the English skills necessary to articulate their reasoning.  Another possibility is the practice is so second nature to them they actually don’t know.

Thais seem to go through life putting out one fire after another.  Yet, by all appearances they make little effort to communicate in any detail with others so many of these problems could be avoided or minimized.

I’ve known the X boyfriend for about 2 years now.  Over time he’s gotten much better about offering timely information and providing greater detail during discussions.  He’s even gotten good about taking time to touch base with me on things previously discussed that might need revisiting.  Of all the boys I know, he has definitely learned from countless incidents that withholding information, or assuming closure based on earlier conversations that were preliminary in nature, are not on my list of best practices.

My experiences with the X tell me the behavior can be modified over time, but only as it relates to his interactions with me.  The boy continues to communicate with friends the way he always has.  One would think once he’s learned the advantages of better communication practices he’d make use of it with all his relationships, but he doesn’t.  This suggests to me there is some sort of cultural reason for it, something that can be dropped when interacting with a farang.

I suspect Kreng Jai is playing a role in some of this, but I don’t fully understand its complexity to accurately make that assessment.  I’m certain that, at least to a large extent, it has nothing to do with lack of maturity, as I’ve seen the same thing with adults over 30. The one thing I am confident of is it’s not an act of secrecy or deception, which would be an easy assumption to make in many circumstances.

I strongly suspect that once I’ve found an explanation for this many other questions will get answered, and no doubt a new set of queries will follow.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

I’ve just added yet another page on the subject of eating in Thailand.  This one is probably of more interest to those living here or on an extended stay.  Although I guess you could apply the same concepts while eating out.  Just make sure you go to places where everything on the menu is priced roughly the same. Otherwise, the boy may end up ordering the most expensive items, like an 800 baht crab dish, and you won’t really get the true experience of eating every day meals.

I think this is something you see more with a boy you’re in a relationship with, or have known for a long time, because the Kreng Jai has been dialed back quite a bit.  This is different than “The Misunderstanding” story I linked to in an earlier post.  In that situation the boy didn’t know there are two words (discussed and disgust) which sound exactly the same, but have distinctly different meanings.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

In this case, I’m talking about words or phrases that usually mean the same thing, but the boy interprets differently.  I say usually, because with a different tone it can often change the meaning or inference.  A good example is any question beginning with Why did you, or Why didn’t you, or Why haven’t you.  In English this can come across as being curious, concerned, condescending, or critical based largely on the tone used when saying it.  It is my understanding that the Thai language does not rely on tones to make such a distinction.  Instead different words are tacked on to set the tone.  Someone with a greater knowledge of Thai linguistics can probably confirm or deny this.  In any case, I’ve discovered that the BF finds it insulting.  In his words, “You say I do bad!”  Of course, that was not my intent at all.  It could also be that the different tones I use, and that are unique to me, sound so similar he can not differentiate between them.  This is something I need to pay more attention to.

Here’s another one that surfaced, and I speculate stems from issues with direct translation, but I can’t be sure.  The statements “This needs cleaning” and “This is not clean” have entirely different meanings to the BF.   If I say, “This is not clean” he interprets it to mean he did not do a good job, but “This needs cleaning” is received as a simple statement of observation and carries no offence.  To be honest, it happened so long ago I can’t remember which was which.  In fact, I told him at the time I would not be able to remember how he wants to hear it in the future, because they mean the exact same thing. The way I resolved it with him was to suggest if I say it in a way that annoys him he should ask me if I mean to say it the other way.  This satisfied him, because he could see I was genuinely trying to resolve the conflict. I ran this by another boy who said he interpreted them both to mean the same thing, and neither suggested criticism.

The boy I asked has distinctly different English skills from the BF.  He tells me the BF has a more extensive vocabulary than he, but is quick to point out that his ability to pronounce English is much better than that of the BF, and he’s right.  I speculate the boy also has a greater understanding of usage than the BF, and this may be at the root of it all.  Because he has better pronunciation skills, the boy may very well posses a clearer understanding of tones used in English, something I can’t be sure of, but I’m not aware of any misunderstanding with him that involves use of tones.

Thus, it’s Russian Roulette.  What one boy finds offensive another may not.  It’s like walking in a mine field.  From one boy to the next, you never know for sure exactly how your words are being interpreted.  And if Kreng Jai is at full throttle, they probably won’t tell you.

The other night, while out with one of the boys, I asked if he would go to the store and get me something.  When he returned I was given my change, but he took the coins and put them up to my face and asked me to open my mouth.

I questioned his request and he asked if I knew about this.  “About what”, I queried.  He explained trying to put coins in someone’s mouth is a joke Thais do.  Then he told me that when Thais die people put 10 baht coins in their mouth so they have money in their next life.  I don’t get the joke, but find the second half of his explanation fascinating.  Then he told me that when someone is talking too much people may say he needs to be careful about this or the coins might fall out.  Again, I don’t get the joke, or analogy, but find the whole thing very interesting.

SIDEBAR:  The coins used in this photo where thoroughly cleaned before the boy put them in his mouth.  Interestingly enough, he was not concerned about sanitation.  Actually that’s not surprising at all.  Even so, the boy was very reluctant to do this, because it would make him look dead.

According to the information I received last night from several sources, the Classic Boys GoGo Bar in BKK Soi Twilight caught fire around 5pm Saturday evening.  According to the boys it started on the second or third floor and was caused by an electrical problem.  As far as I know there were no injuries or fatalities from the fire.

One of the boys had a video of it on his cell phone.  There was a large plume of smoke coming from the bar, and you could even see a slight orange glow.  It appears the fire was contained to the upper floors that are used for, among other things, sleeping quarters for the boys.  A friend and I took a peek inside the place and observed extensive water damage to the first floor.

We got two different answers on how soon the bar plans to reopen, one week and one month.  I have no idea which is accurate.  Most, if not all, the boys have temporarily relocated to the neighboring X Size Bar.  I popped in for a drink and only spotted two familiar Classic Boys faces.  We were told several of the boys had gone home for the night.

In discussions with many farang acquaintances, I’ve discovered a fair number do not make use of the water spray nozzle, found with most western style toilets in Thailand.  I personally think its one of the greatest things since indoor plumbing, and don’t know what I’ll do if forced to live in a country without them.  Actually, I know what I’d do, but would greatly miss the use of this wonderful toilet accessory.

I realize they don’t come with instructions, and it’s not necessarily a comfortable topic of conversation for those wishing to get verbal instructions, but with a little practice anyone can master it on their own.

So I thought it might be interesting and fun to conduct an informal survey on the subject…

Do you make use of the spray nozzle, for its intended purpose?

If not, why?

For those that use it, did you seek out instructions, or jump in with both hands and master the rinse cycle on your own?

Do you prefer high water pressure or low?

For those using it, has your technique evolved over time?

What other uses have you found for this convenient water dispenser?

With the exception of a photo I stumbled across of a Thai boy using one, I learned through trial and error.  Over time I’ve learned that standing up slightly makes it a little easier to get both hands down there, before sitting back down again and beginning the final step.  Even though many say “That’s what underwear is for” I use tissue to dry off.  I prefer a high water pressure, something lacking in my home facility.  Of course, I use the nozzle for many other things, such as cleaning tasks, filling a bucket and rinsing the pee off the floor that most of the boys leave behind.

Saturday 16th May 2009

Kaos, London’s legendary queer underground party, brings twisted teKno and perverse performance to Bangkok. From the dark underbelly of London’s East End to Raindogs, a unique private art, bar and dance space in the shadow of Bangkok’s expressway, Kaos Bangkok welcomes the inimitable Miss Cunty.  Kaos is all about the creativity that comes from the music, the performance and, most importantly, from you, the Kaos party people. Dress up, dress down, experiment and push your boundaries.

I want to call your attention to a comment that came in a few days ago on an old post about boys peeing in their underwear (READ POST).  The information this gentleman shares is too valuable to remain buried in an old article many will never see.

Photo Courtesy of Gay Asian Network

Bert’s comment…

The pee dribbling has something to to with Asian boys having a higher oestrogen level and a lower testosterone production compared to their Caucasian counterparts.
Maybe a genetic thing, but also generated by a higher intake of soy and/or green tea.

On top of that many gay boys experiment at young age (15 up) with quiet easy accessible hormone medicine, because outside of the big cities the phenomenon “gay” does not exist, or is not readily accepted, while ladyboys strangely enough are.(they live a “normal” lady life outside of the sextrady, working in supermarkets (i know of at least 5 all working in the same provincial-town-Lotus, “married” without children) and the likes. You don’t even notice until your local boyfriend points them out. When they finally arrive in Bangkok, they see they don’t really have to change their sex and stop taking the pills.

The high levels of oestrogen and lowered production of testosterone turns them into small boys with hairless bodies, narrow shoulders, small muscles, big hair and expanded prostate glands putting pressure on their urethras, causing leakage after peeing.

You should check your more hairy and butch “i am man man” gay Asian friends’ briefs for yellow spots. I bet you don’t find any.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

I must admit some skepticism on my part when first reading his explanation, but apparently Bert is bang on with this one.

Last night one of the boys came by the room to visit and surf the Internet.  So I decided to ask him about this.  Before I could complete the question the boy abruptly interrupted, in a firm but questioning tone, “How you know about this!?”  He is aware of my blog, so I explained that a farang had made a comment about it.  Then I told him the part about this is why boys pee in their underwear.

I waited a couple of minutes before asking the boy if he had taken these pills at a younger age.  Without hesitation he said yes, but immediately added, in a confident tone, he does not pee in his underwear.  Funny, considering this boy is one of those that inspired the original post.  So I reminded him I’ve washed his underwear before, at which point he just smiled and went back to surfing the Net.