Last weekend I had an interesting conversation with a new acquaintance.  He’s lived in Thailand for many years and authored a book on Thai culture.  He is a public figure, and I’m not sure he was aware I might quote some of the things he said, so it’s probably best he remain anonymous.  We talked about many things that evening, but I thought one in particular was worth sharing.

I asked him if he could explain why Thais generally wait till the last minute to take care of things, don’t usually plan, coordinate, strategize, and seemingly go through life putting out one fire after another.  Any plans or decisions made usually are based on best case scenario, and never allow for the unexpected.  He said Thais are not very good at dealing with things independently.  On the other hand they excel at accomplishing tasks and/or solving problems as a group.

He explained this stems from rural life.  When a farmer needs to harvest his rice the entire village comes together and gets the job done quickly and efficiently.  Then they move to the next farm, and the next, until all the rice fields in the village have been harvested.  He said it works the same in an office environment.  When a complex task needs to be done in a short period of time you bring in a group of people, all working together to achieve the goal.  Left to one individual, it probably won’t get done, or at least not by the deadline.

He went on to say some of the behavior I have observed is driven by Buddhist teachings.  Put simply, Thais take life as it is dealt to them.  They do not attempt anything that would alter the natural order of things.  Thus, making plans that take into account a worst case scenario would be unthinkable, as would trying to develop a strategy for the purpose of altering the natural or anticipated outcome.

I asked the BF about not taking into consideration the worst case scenario because it would go against Buddhist teachings and he said this is true.  He added if things do not go as expected you just deal with it at that time.

A friend just sent me this, and I had to share it.  How many times have we seen the boys wearing similar?

Source: MotiFake

Awhile back I decided to teach a couple of boys the phrase “of course”.  It’s one I use a lot, even when writing, so I thought it a good idea they understood its meaning.  I never know which words or phrases the boys will latch onto, and had my doubts this would be one of them.  Much to my surprise this one stuck, and they love using it all the time.  It’s one the boys have difficulty pronouncing, but they get close enough for everyone to understand.  It actually comes out sounding more like “of cLourths”.

Photo Courtesy of Asian Boys XXX

I explained its use by saying it is a common response when you want someone to know there can be only one answer to their question, a question that does not really need to be asked.  I went on to explain it can also be used when saying something people already know.  This was followed by a series of examples such as…

Would you like some money?  Of course I would.
Will you shower before sleeping tonight?  Of course I will shower.
Of course my friend was very happy to see me.
Of course I will pay for everything if we go drinking whiskey tonight.

Another one I taught them was Ms Thang.  Not that its vital they know this, but I use it all the time as a way to show my displeasure about something while still keeping the tone pleasant.  Trying to explain this one took some doing, so I was overjoyed to discover they actually get it.  This one is important when communicating with the boys, as they don’t always pick up on the subtle differences in tone we use in English.  Thus, a passing comment, of a critical nature, can be taken as too harsh.  By tacking Ms Thang on at the end the boys take it in as it was intended and no one gets offended.  I use it a lot with Princess, self centered and lazy boy that he is.

I also love teaching waiters words or phrases they can use when interacting with their farang customers.  They always appreciate learning something that sets them apart from the other boys.   For example, all the boys know to say “you are welcome” in response to “thank you”.  So I taught one boy he can also say “my pleasure” and it would really impress farang that only ever hear one standard reply.  The boy was thrilled to learn this new phrase and practiced using it at every opportunity.

Someone taught one of the boys working in Banana Bar “absolutely”.  It’s a word that’s well suited to his personality, and one I never get tired of hearing him use. Smart boy that he is, I have no doubt he’s fully aware of the affect it has on his adoring farang customers.

I’m not writing this to imply other words or phrases are less important for the boys to learn.  I regularly teach them things to improve their general English skills.  Even so, I do enjoy introducing some that are fun to learn, or that directly help me communicate with them more affectively.

While it usually sounds very funny when the boys use English curse words, I don’t teach them any.  Despite my best efforts to keep their vocabulary clean, they still manage to pick some up from other sources.  One time I was having an argument with the BF and he called me an asshole.  It was all I could do to keep from busting out laughing, but the mood was very serious and I wanted to keep it that way.  To this day I’m sure he doesn’t realize how opposite the impact was when he pulled that vocabulary card on me.

The BF and I like going to the movies and try to take one in every weekend.  Last Saturday was no exception, and this week’s selection was the new Disney animation UP.  The animated films are not usually my first choice, but I learned a long time ago they’re always at the top of the list with most boys.  So I’ve accepted the fact when a new “cartoon” movie rolls into town that’s what we’ll be watching.  Actually UP was quite good.

Before the feature started they ran “Partly Cloudy” a short animated comedy about storks delivering babies.  When it started I quickly realized Thais probably don’t know about storks delivering babies.  Without the luxury of providing an in depth explanation I said to the BF, “In America when children ask where babies come from we tell them the stork brings them.”  Later I asked if understanding about the storks made it funnier and he said, “Not need to know why they do for make funny.” Oh well.

Any way, the real reason for this post is what happened before we went to see UP that day.  After deciding on a show time, the BF wanted to review what movies we would be watching in the future.  Next week is the new transformer movie, and of course next month we absolutely can not miss the new Harry Potter film.  Then he mentioned another new animation that will be hitting the theaters in a few weeks - IH.  I told the BF I didn’t know about this one, but he insisted I’ve already watched the coming attraction for it many times.  He wasn’t able to offer any additional information that might help jog my memory, so the topic was eventually dropped.

When we got to the cinema I saw an advertisement for the next big animation movie and immediately realized what he was trying to say. Can anyone guess the title for the movie he was talking about?

Awhile back, one of the X BFs came by for a visit and we got into an interesting discussion about not placing any value on intangibles while in a relationship.  Things like rent, utilities, clothes, meals, use of computer and Internet, and so on.  The only thing many of the boys take into consideration is the cash and gold they receive.  The fact that they don’t have the other expenses usually isn’t factored in when evaluating how good they’ve got it.  This is an observation shared by many farang friends of mine, and something we’ve encountered repeatedly with the boys.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Anyway, the X was telling me how difficult things are for him now, because he has very little money and so many expenses.  He admitted that being freed from those financial burdens was not taken into consideration when he decided to end our relationship and move in with one of his school mates.  I reminded him that I tried to explain this before he gave up on us, but it didn’t seem to be important.  Looking back he agreed it was a mistake on his part, but added he was only 19 and didn’t think about those things.  He said that, to do it all over again, he would have handled things differently.

I’m not opening up this chapter in my life for the purpose of evaluating the relationship I had with this boy.  We both made our mistakes, but when all was said and done we remain very close friends.  In fact, I probably spend more time with the X than I do the BF, largely because the X has been on break from university and the BF is always at work.

I only mention this, because those in a relationship, or contemplating one, should consider it very likely the boy will not place much value on intangibles.  There are some that do, but at this point I would say they are in the minority.  Try as you may, most boys simply will not do the math.

An American friend and I went with a couple of boys to Siam Park City amusement park last Saturday.  None of us had been to the park, and for the boys it was their first amusement park ever.

The main reason I’m writing about this is to share with you an observation my friend and I made.  From a very young age, both of us grew up going to amusement parks, so the fun in all of this was watching the boys (20 and 26) experience it for the first time in their lives.  They had never stood next to, let alone ride, a roller coaster before, and this park has two of them.

Up until now, the only thing these guys had been on was the occasional small rides set up in the Korat shopping mall.  Walking into a fantasy world with so many attractions it requires the better part of a day to take everything in was an experience of a lifetime.  Imagine their excitement when I take them to Dream World for their first time experience in snow!

Both of us farang considered the theme park attractions a bit silly. After taking in places like Disney World it’s difficult to appreciate something as low budget as we did at this park.  The boys, on the other hand, loved it, so there you go.

The cornerstone of this facility is its water park, boasting the largest wave pool in the world.  It is clearly the bread and butter money maker for the entire complex, and the least expensive if you steer clear of the amusement and theme parks. Arrive at 10 in the morning, when the park opens, and there is enough time to take all three in, but we elected to save the water park for another day.

We got there when the park opened with the idea of taking in a lot of rides before the crowds got there.  As it turns out, attendance was light enough there where no lines at the rides all day.  On top of that, most rides don’t start operating before 11.  Assuming this was a typical Saturday for the park, I’d plan on arriving a little later, so the boys don’t have to get up so early in the morning.  Not that it would make too much difference, as the boys were so excited they couldn’t sleep the night before.

The other reason I’m writing this is to bring everyone up to date on the status of the park.  After experiencing two tragic accidents, within a span of a few months in late 2007 and early 2008, much has changed.  First, and foremost, the park is now owned by Dream World, the only other large amusement park of this type in Thailand.

My friend has quite a bit of expertise when it comes to amusement parks and the rides.  He was able to point out a number of changes being made that might not be obvious to the novice, like myself.  Even so, it was evident they’ve been making strides in the right direction.

The new owners have come in and resorted to a safe condition most of the rides in the park.  The rest have been shut down, or completely removed, including a ride that resulted in one death and several others injured.

At the same time they’ve started adding attractions.  There are seven new rides, including a roller coaster.  Two have opened, and the others are in various stages of construction.  According to my friend most, if not all, have been purchased new from a European ride manufacturer with an impeccable safety record.  He told me these rides have so many redundant safety features built in even the most negligent of operators would most likely never have a problem.

With a couple of exceptions, everything has a bit of a run down look and lacks attractive landscaping.  This is no surprise considering the budget has been focused on upgrading existing rides and adding new ones.  That said, I was disappointed to see no effort at all being made to shield the public from hazardous construction areas.  I also discovered that exiting one ride (Twin Dragon) was a bit precarious.  Actually, if we had climbed out of the ride on the opposite side we got in it wouldn’t have been a problem, but no one was there making sure that happened.

If you live here, or will be visiting for more than a couple of weeks, taking in one of the two BKK amusement parks is a excellent alternative to sitting in a bar with your favorite boy.  Take him, along with one or two of his friends, and you’ll have a fun and rewarding day.

Don’t forget the camera, and some sort of a small bag to hold phones, wallets, jewelry, sun glasses and anything else that can fly off while riding the roller coasters.  This assumes one person stays on the ground while the others ride.  Guess who was the bag man on our day at the park?  I don’t do roller coasters.

SIDEBAR

The boys call amusement park rides “toys”.

A few days ago Princess was hanging out and looking for hookups on Gay Romeo.  A farang had contacted him with an opening line that came right out and asked if the boy wanted to have sex with him.  Princess had exchanged messages with the guy a few times before getting one he did not understand, no surprise as the guy could not spell.  Actually it looked more like he was typing fast and not paying attention to the typos…being lazy.

Photo Courtesy of Asian Boys XXX

So the boy asked me to read it and tell him what the farang was saying.  The guy wanted to know where Princess lived in BKK, and asked what he wanted by messaging him.  Then he instructed the boy to respond with something longer than one sentence.  What a jerk!  OH, and this guy was writing in all upper case, suggesting to the boy he was speaking with big power.

Princess told the guy he did not initiate the conversation.  He also said English is not easy for him to write so why was he demanding a lengthy reply.  Shortly after, Princess logged off Gay Romeo, so I have no idea what the guy’s response, if any, was.  Princess didn’t care, saying the guy is young, good looking and full of himself, and then flipped his hand across his ear signifying he was over him.

I don’t know what this man was thinking.  First you don’t try and break the ice with a Thai boy by asking for sex, even if you think he’s a money boy.  Writing in all upper case just makes you look like you’re trying to be the boss.  And finally, most boys have an on-line dictionary running so they can look up words from messages received or when trying to craft a reply.  If you don’t spell things correctly the boy can not figure out what you’re saying.  In addition, all this time using the dictionary to translate really slows the boys down, thus very short replies.

I’m always astonished by the number of farang that get on-line and have no idea how to effectively and politely communicate with the boys.  Well, maybe some do know how, but choose not to.  Either way it’s a complete waste of time.  Your success rate with the boys on-line will go way up if you just approach them with courtesy and keep the dialog very simple.

This guy was doing everything he could to rudely demonstrate his superiority over the boy, and that typically goes over like a fart in church.

A couple of nights ago the BF and one of his friends went to a sauna (bath house) for an evening of “recreation” and didn’t get home until the early morning hour.  The friend, who I’ll call Princess, is a full time student and part time money boy.  At around 12 noon he was awakened by a call from a “customer”.  I know this, because he was talking to the guy in English, and with him that only means one thing.

Photo Courtesy of Asian Boys XXX

I overheard Princess say to the farang he was still sleeping and would call him when he woke up.  By this time the BF was up and making rice for lunch.  Princess continued lounging until lunch was served and returned to a reclined position on the sofa after we finished eating.  Soon after, the BF showered and left for work at a little before 1.

Even though he was technically awake, Princess had not called the farang back to make arrangements.  Two o’clock rolled around and the boy got another call from the farang.  Princess told the guy he was now awake, but needed to take a shower before going to see him.  The farang was obviously very “anxious” and suggested the boy come over immediately and shower there.  Princess proceeded to explain  Thais don’t go out before first taking a shower.  Generally speaking Thais don’t like going into public without looking their best.  In this case the boy also had to take into consideration he might need to bottom for the farang, so an enema was in order.  When the farang suggested Princess shower at his place he had to assume the guy might want to join in, thus no privacy for the much needed rectal cleansing.

While the BF can get himself cleaned up and on his way in 20-30 minutes, Ms Princess Thang usually takes an hour and a half or more, so it was around 3:30 before he could get his cute little butt out the door.

Before leaving I asked Princess if this was a customer he’d seen before.  He said no, this was the first time and he was a tourist.

Mistakes the farang made, that I’m aware of:

He called at 12 noon.  Most of these boys go to sleep between 3 and 7 in the morning, and don’t start their day before 2.  Hello!?!?

He called again at 2.  Now the boy knows he’s in control of the naive over anxious farang.  The guy should have waited until later in the day to call the first time, and if the boy could not accommodate him say “next time” and move to a different boy.  This way the farang remains in control.  Never give control to the boy, as it’s a recipe for a disappointing experience.

He gave even more control to the boy by suggesting he come over right away and shower in his room.  Now the boy knows he’s dealing with a desperately horny tourist farang with little or no clue.

Despite being self centered and lazy as the day is long, Princess is a really good boy, and that’s why I adore him so much.  This man got lucky, because Princess doesn’t take advantage of guys like him, but a very large percentage of the boys do.

Don’t think with your dick when dealing with the boys and you’ll have a much better experience during your short stay in Thailand.

I was out reading posts at the Sawatdee Gay Thailand Forum the other night, and there where two or three threads talking about how much money the boys should get tipped. It seems most contributors to the discussions knew what the fair market rate is, but there are always some with the belief boys should get paid more, and a few that pride themselves in trying to undercut the boys.  Those that have followed this blog know I don’t agree with paying the boys more, unless they’ve done something special to earn it, or special circumstances dictate.  Of course, under paying them is a foolish game to play.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

In any case, the reason I’m touching on this subject again is to point out that fair market rate is just that, a way to know you are being fair with the boys.  Beyond that there are a lot of variables that may come into play.  Why?  Well, contrary to what many people believe, it’s not always just about the money with these boys.

One guy posted in the forum that he pays less than market rate, because he’s young and in good shape…not fat.  Another responded to his post saying the boys don’t care about looks or age; they just want your money.  That gentleman was wrong, and sadly jaded I suspect.

Money boy or not, they are all different.  Each is an individual with unique tastes and personality.  A very large percentage are attracted to the younger slim farangs, and some money boys WILL go with them for less, if not free.  There’s also a smaller percentage that are genuinely attracted to older men.  Some even like their men with a few pounds on them, and a hairy bear type body is often an important consideration.  I know one guy that only looks at older, fat, balding, hairy chest farang with a mustache or beard…nothing else.

Regardless of looks or age, there are boys that will go with a farang for less, or free, if they fancy him.  I don’t know what the ratio is, but it’s surprisingly high, particularly when times are good.  These guys that believe all the boys are only interested in money are the same ones that either don’t know how, or choose not to treat them properly.  They don’t respect the boys and the boys don’t respect them.  I don’t care who the boy is, he’s not going to fancy you for very long if you can’t earn his respect.

The flip side is a lot of these boys are not satisfied with keeping things at a casual level, and so the drama begins.  This is particularly problematic for the younger more attractive guys, as they tend to draw the attention of a larger percentage than we older guys do.  I’d say with the bar boys odds are very good a casual relationship isn’t what they have in mind, but there are exceptions.  I know several very attractive boys working in BKK GoGo bars that will gladly go with me for 500 baht, no strings attached.  I’m sure many others enjoy the same, but it’s certainly not limited to those farang that are young and attractive.

I’ve met a lot of younger and older farang living here that could easily get boys for free, or at a substantial discount, but do not.  They opt to pay full price as a means of avoiding any potential drama.  Paying full price for a boy does not remove his fancy for you, if it exists, yet it will evade most of the potential problems associated with free or discounted sex.

The guys that don’t want to pursue a relationship, and are content with keeping things at a casual level, most likely fall into one of two categories.  The more common are the closeted boys, where a relationship would draw too much attention to their preferred lifestyle.  To a lesser degree are the sluts.  They are young, horny and just want to have fun, including some money boys.  Well, not all of them are young, but a lot are.  I know a couple of guys like this.  One is a 20 year old part time money boy and the other is a degreed 25 year old working in an office.

Of course, there are those guys that brag about getting it for free when it really isn’t.  They like to rationalize that because the boy doesn’t get paid right after sex it was free.  Over a month’s time that boy will manage to get thousands out of the farang, but never right after sex.  In fact, all too often sex immediately follows the money.

The point I want to make with this post is there are no hard and fast rules about how much a boy will or should cost.  There is a basic standard fair market rate, which varies slightly in some locations.  It is a baseline you can use to make sure a boy is fairly compensated, but that’s it.  This is important information to know, because if paid too little, or too much, the boy will not respect you.

On the other hand, you can loose respect from a boy by paying him fair market rate in certain circumstances.   A prime example would be if you hookup with a boy right after he has finished working in his bar.  If he thinks this is your standard practice, he might label you as cheap.  In this situation, the first time you go with a boy its best to pay him a little more, so he doesn’t think you are trying to avoid the off fee from one of the bars.  Also understand the boys achieve status based on how often they get offed from their bar, so circumventing that isn’t in the boys’ best interest.  Another option is to pay him fair rate, but not have sex.  This will score HUGE points, and might lead to having discounted sex if you have him back during the afternoon, before he goes to work.

If you do not earn their respect, none of these other doors will ever open.  Sincere relationships with the boys can not be purchased.  Like any place else in the world, you have to earn an individual’s trust and friendship.  How that is done may be very different here than back home, but it is still the foundation everything else is built on.

In the first year and a half I lived in Thailand both farang and Thai boys accused me of being too transactional.  I never could understand this, because paying for sex is transactional.  Only recently I realized what they where trying to tell me without coming right out and saying it.  Focus on establishing the relationship, even if for only one night, and let the circumstances dictate the compensation on the back end.  When in doubt, fall back on fair market rate.

A few of us farang where out drinking the other night when one of the guys, who recently moved here and already has a BF, said his boy just told him it was OK if he saw other boys.  He shared this with us just after his boy had left his side to go visit with friends for the entire evening.  The boy is very possessive, so I doubted his sincerity on the subject, and suggested we conduct a little test.  I told the farang to get up and walk down to the other end of Soi Twilight and then walk back.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

He questioned why I wanted him to do this. I explained if the BF was insincere about his freedom to see other boys he’d either be on the phone to him or sitting at the table before he could get back.  He questioned how the BF would know that he’d left the table.  We all said he’s about to experience just how efficient the boys’ network really is.  I explained that all of the BF’s friends in the soi are reporting on every move he makes, and that’s why his BF has said he doesn’t care about seeing other boys.  Fact is, the BF will never let a situation develop to where he could see another boy, so it’s moot.

Sure enough, the BF called to say he was returning to the bar, because something had suddenly changed and his friends could no longer visit with him.  Our friend wasn’t back in his seat more than 5 minutes before his boy was at his side.