This weekend the boyfriend and I will travel to Korat (Nakorn Ratchasima), his home town.  He is very excited about this trip, and has been making plans for a month.  Of course, I’ll meet the family, something I’m a little nervous about, but the BF assures me I will survive.

His family has several cars, so we’ll have use of one during our stay.  That should make it a lot easier to see the sights, including some 30 minutes to an hour outside of town.

A new gay disco has just opened, and the BF’s younger katoey brother is working there as an accountant or bookkeeper.  So, I’m guessing we will get VIP treatment while there for the evening.  I’ve also been told we have use of his brother’s 40% discount card, so the BF plans to invite several of his friends, as the evening won’t cost that much.

Hotels with Internet in the rooms are surprisingly scarce in Korat.  I was only able to locate 3, one of which excludes Internet access in their least expensive rooms.  The BF located a fourth hotel, the Sabai, and that’s the one we’ll be staying at.  Directly across the street is the V-One which also has Internet in the rooms.  Both are new hotels with very reasonable rates.  Neither allows smoking in the rooms, so we selected Sabai, because their’s have balconies with table and chairs.

It wasn’t planned this way, but there happens to be a festival going on during our short stay.  It has something to do with a special rice noodle unique to the region, and it is taking place just down the road from our hotel.  In addition to plenty of food, made with this noodle, there should be lots of live entertainment…Isan.

Korat is the third largest city, by population, in Thailand and boasts the 5th largest shopping mall in the world!  I stumbled onto an interesting thread in the Skyscraper City forum that has 80 pages of posts containing mostly photos of Korat.  The focus is on architecture, so it gives you a real good feel for what the city and surrounding areas look like.  I’ve only made it up to page 17, but so far it has been quite interesting.

This is my first trip into Isan country, and I’m pretty excited about it, family visit aside.  Hopefully I’ll come back with some good stories to share.

Over the years I’ve noticed something very consistent with Thais.  They tend to be exceedingly forgiving of transgressions against them by friends.  Every time I’ve asked a boy why he continues his friendship with an individual that has done him wrong, he always says the same thing - everyone has good and bad in them.  Translation being, no one is perfect.  I’m talking about some serious stuff here.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

A good example is when the friend and roommate of a boy stole his expensive cell phone.  The boy’s only reaction to this was, “Maybe he needed it more than me.”  They continued on as roommates and friends.

I’ve been trying to get my arms around why Thais are like this.  I know the easy answer would be this is a society that avoids confrontation, but I am convinced it’s not quite that simple.

A reader gave me some insight when he told the story about the woman who discovered her husband had a mistress.  Rather than confronting him with it, she framed the “other woman’s” photo and placed it on the night stand.  I wish I could find his comment and quote it exactly, but without it I can only paraphrase.  He went on to explain that Thais see these transgressions as opportunities to strengthen their position with the transgressor.

Awhile back I told a funny story about the BF taking a shower and his friend and I peeking in the window at him.  He said everyone must pay to see him naked, and I said I can look for free, because I’m his BF.  He said I pay later.  Even though he was joking, there was a truth lurking in that humor.

While the above examples sound somewhat cold and calculating, I suspect the Buddhist belief in karma is actually at the root of this behavior.  Why loose your cool over something someone did to you when karma will eventually have its say?

This is pure speculation on my part, but I strongly suspect that forgiveness comes with a debt that must be paid at some point in the future, perhaps time and time again.  I think it very likely that transgressors don’t even have to be told they are in dept, as they believe pay back will ultimately come in one form or another.  The penalty that must be paid directly to he who was harmed is probably believed to be far less painful than what life (karma) might choose to deliver.

What ever the real answers are, I do find this characteristic in Thais, and perhaps other Asians, quite fascinating.

I’ve talked about this before.  The boys seem to have a special, almost erotic, relationship with pillows.  Actually it’s not just the boys, girls do too.

I’m writing about it again, because I happened to get this photo of the BF sleeping with his bolster pillow, something most will do if one is in the bed.  It’s not the best quality photo, because the picture was taken in low light, but good enough for you to get the idea.  They always snuggle it between legs and arms like there is some sort of special bond going on.  It might also be compared to a baby blanket or pacifier.

Out in the living room, any pillow on sofa or chair will quickly find its way onto the lap of most Thais.  All too often I’ve noticed the boys with two small throw pillows stacked on their lap, and chin resting on them while surfing the Internet.  If the BF takes a nap on the sofa, he’ll even put one of the small pillows between his knees and the other under his head.

I was watching a Thai celebrity gossip show the other night.  The hosts are two guys, one obviously a queen, and a girl.  The girl had a pillow on here lap the entire time.

This is one of the things I find so charming about Thais.  I don’t know where it comes from, but they definitely have this special relationship with pillows of any size or shape.

See also: Pillow Love

Last Friday night Princess was hanging out in the room when the BF got home from work at about 9:30.  Shortly after arriving the BF told me he’d discovered a restaurant that served Isan food made just like they do back home.  He said it’s near a university and a lot of cute gay boys eat there.  “You want to go?” he asked.  Well, you don’t have to twist my arm!

Photo Courtesy of Asian Boys XXX

So the three of us hopped in a taxi and in about 10 minutes we where there.  As it turns out, this outdoor street restaurant is located just below a new apartment complex that houses university students.  It also happens to be where Princess now shares a room with a few of his gay student friends.

Sure enough, the place was teaming with young college boys and girls…mostly boys.  And there was an energy in the air that only a place dominated by youth can generate. We grabbed a table at the new and very clean Isan restaurant. The BF ordered five dishes and a round of sticky rice, while Princess had a nice little chat with a very cute gay friend of his seated at the table next to us.

The place had about 15 - 20 students in it, 7 of which the boys said where gay.  They also pointed out numerous gay boys passing by on the street, coming and going from the apartments.  Some where obvious, but most would not have set off my gaydar.

The food was very good, but I honestly couldn’t tell any difference between it and other places we had eaten.  I asked why any Isan owned and operated restaurant would serve food that wasn’t authentic.  The boys explained that in BKK most alter their recipes slightly so their restaurant will attract a wider range of customers.  The BF added this was the best Isan food he’d eaten in BKK.

As we where wrapping up our fabulous meal, Princess asked if I wanted to take in a student bar.  I asked him if he was talking about a place where the students hang out and drink, and he said yes.  I said, “You sure they not care farang go?”  He said, “Sure!  Why not?”  I’m always up for new experiences and agreed to go.

The bar we where going to was near the restaurant, but just a little too far for walking, so we hopped in a taxi.  The driver zigzagged through narrow streets and into a tucked away neighborhood that housed not one, but a dozen or so small bars, all packed with young Thai students…mostly boys.  All the bars had both indoor and outdoor seating.  Each had trendy music playing, giving the place an energy similar to that of a disco, but unlike the dance clubs everyone was seated at tables.

Of course, I was the only farang, and Princess told me he’d never seen a westerner there before.  On the way over, I told the boys I’d need to use a toilet immediately to pee, and maybe more.  Princess asked what I meant by “maybe more”, and I said, “Hello! How are you? Where are you from?”  This got a good laugh from the boys.  Ironically, while in the bathroom relieving myself, a cute boy stepped up to the urinal next to me and said, Hello!  How are you?…”  We both exited the toilet laughing and joking, a scene not missed by the boys I was with.  What this told me was the crowd is farang friendly.

The police are now shutting down the Thai 4 Thai places early, and we where informed these bars all had to close at 12, so there was only time for a couple of large bottles of beer before leaving.  While there, the boys again pointed out numerous gays, some obvious and others not.

Princess said we could come back another time, and start earlier.  He also offered to bring along a few of his gay student friends.  When first arriving I noticed a sign outside one of the bars advertising a bottle of Ben More whiskey for 635 baht, including mixers.  With this in mind, I concluded a night out with the friends would be very inexpensive, and accepted his offer.

On the way home, Princess asked if I planned to write about this place.  I told him that’s exactly what I was thinking about when he asked, and he giggled.  I then promised not to mention the location, as this place didn’t need a bunch of horny farang descending on it.  His response was, “YES!”  I assumed that’s what he really wanted to know, but was too polite to come right out and ask.

So, if I’m not going to share with you the location of this cute Thai boy oasis, why did I write about it?  It’s yet another example of what you can enjoy by making friends with the boys.  Those that just rent for a few hours of sex, and then move on to the next boy for more of the same, never experience outings like this.

Cost of the evening out with two boys, including taxi?  About 700 baht.

I trust no further explanation is required.

There is a vegetable favored by Thais that is used mostly, if not exclusively, in soup dishes.  When prepared, the thick green skin is usually removed and the white meat inside cut into large chunks.  The vegetable is hard when fresh, but softens after boiling in the soup.  Once cooked, it looks and feels similar to a potato, but the taste is very different.

The Thai name for this vegetable is fuck, something the BF finds quite humorous.  I have no doubt the exact pronunciation is subtly different, but to the discerning ear of the BF they are identical.

So when sitting in a restaurant, if a boy asks, “You want fuck?”  He probably isn’t propositioning you for an intimate recreational activity.

There’s an old saying among expats, “It’s cheaper to rent than buy.”  While this is generally true, there are boys working in the bars that will stick with a farang for a surprisingly small amount of money.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Attractive looks is a subjective thing, but odds are pretty good a rent boy willing to stay with you for a small stipend isn’t going to be one of the stunningly cute young twink types.  Although, during tough times some of the young cuties might even elect to ride it out for a few months with a farang safety net.

You stand a much better chance of finding a boy that’s cheaper than renting if you stay away from the money boys.  Those holding down a full time job, particularly ones with a degree, are best candidates.

It is understandable why most guys end up trying a relationship with the bar boys, as they are much easier for farang to meet.  In addition, most of these boys are actively pursuing a relationship with a farang, making them difficult to ignore or resist.

It does take a bit more effort, and perhaps even a change in mind set, to meet boys that are not working in the bars. Of course there is DJ Station and GOD, but I don’t consider these places ideal hunting grounds, any more than I would the club scene back home.

Like anyplace in the world, your best chance for meeting guys like this is through a circle of friends.  For us older guys, this can be a bit difficult to establish, if one’s interests are in someone half his age.

If you find it difficult to meet boys outside the sex trade scene, I suggest keeping something in mind.  While most of the full time money boys usually associate with other rent boys, those that are part time tend to travel in different circles. Typically they are freelancers, many of which attend university. I know this, because it’s how I met my BF, and several other boys, all very open to pursuing a relationship with an older farang.

It is also important to understand that the full time money boys have a lot of friends that are part time.  Thus, making friends with the bar boys can often lead to opportunities you might otherwise have missed.

A reader asks why I haven’t written about the so-called shakedown arrests scandal that is scaring everyone away from Thailand.  I assume he is referring to the highly publicized Phuket incident involving an Australian woman, and the 3 farang men who where arrested for drug possession just outside Pattaya.

I haven’t written about these specific cases, because no matter what position I take, a hostile rebuttal is sure to follow.  It’s all being played out on the forums and I see no reason to invite it over here.  So I’ll go ahead and talk about it in general terms, but I’m not going to comment on any specific incidents, nor will I permit anyone else to.

Thailand has a system in place.  Similar systems exist in other areas of the world, but are usually not found in countries most would define as having a mature democratic society.  The system applies to everyone, NOT just visitors.

When a person breaks the law he/she usually, but not always, has the option of making restitution without enduring the rather lengthy and more costly formal process.  For minor violations, the cost of informal restitution is rather well defined.  For more serious infractions, the accused will be informed as to what is considered appropriate, but may also be asked to leave the Kingdom.  Anyone wishing to exercise their right to a more formal process is welcome to do so, but in Thailand you do not have the right to a speedy conclusion, nor should one be anticipated.  Thus, it can get very expensive.

There are those that believe accusations are often manufactured.  I have no doubt a small percentage are, BUT more likely than not it was preceded by highly inappropriate conduct on the part of the accused.  You are a guest in this country, and don’t forget it.  The attitude, shared by more than a few, that spending money here automatically guarantees them the right to behave like arrogant jerks is most definitely flawed.

These are beautiful, kind, and exceedingly friendly people, but treat them as second class citizens and you may very well find yourself on the wrong side of misery.  And when approached by an individual in a position of authority you would be wise to all but kiss his ass.  Showing ANY disrespect to a uniformed officer is just begging for a very unpleasant stay in the Land of Smiles.

A couple of years ago I was approached by an officer in a public park and firmly told to put my cigarette out.  At that time I didn’t know it was illegal to smoke in a public park. I immediately complied with his demand and told him I was sorry.  I did not receive a ticket, and was not asked to make informal restitution.  A friend had a similar experience.  The only difference with him was the cop then bummed a cigarette.

Don’t put too much stake in the spin people give these isolated incidents that go public.  All too often there is more to the story than meets the eye.  I truly believe that people who find themselves in these situations went asking for it.  For those that want to break the law, enjoy behaving like an animal, are a mean and/or obnoxious drunk, or have issues with authority figures, I strongly suggest you either bring lots of extra money or stay home.

This is a VERY sensitive subject, so those wishing to comment should choose their words carefully or I’ll delete them.

For you Americans out there - Happy 4th of July!