Cash Rules
June 20th, 2009Awhile back, one of the X BFs came by for a visit and we got into an interesting discussion about not placing any value on intangibles while in a relationship. Things like rent, utilities, clothes, meals, use of computer and Internet, and so on. The only thing many of the boys take into consideration is the cash and gold they receive. The fact that they don’t have the other expenses usually isn’t factored in when evaluating how good they’ve got it. This is an observation shared by many farang friends of mine, and something we’ve encountered repeatedly with the boys.
Anyway, the X was telling me how difficult things are for him now, because he has very little money and so many expenses. He admitted that being freed from those financial burdens was not taken into consideration when he decided to end our relationship and move in with one of his school mates. I reminded him that I tried to explain this before he gave up on us, but it didn’t seem to be important. Looking back he agreed it was a mistake on his part, but added he was only 19 and didn’t think about those things. He said that, to do it all over again, he would have handled things differently.
I’m not opening up this chapter in my life for the purpose of evaluating the relationship I had with this boy. We both made our mistakes, but when all was said and done we remain very close friends. In fact, I probably spend more time with the X than I do the BF, largely because the X has been on break from university and the BF is always at work.
I only mention this, because those in a relationship, or contemplating one, should consider it very likely the boy will not place much value on intangibles. There are some that do, but at this point I would say they are in the minority. Try as you may, most boys simply will not do the math.
June 21st, 2009 at 11:53 am
I’ve never understood why anyone would want a BF to live with them. Have them over for visits, keep a few coming around for diversity, and set a limit to the cash and gold they can receive per visit. Simple. I would expect this to be self-evident, all the more so after a few situations have turned sour, but no, it isn’t.
I would suspect that the potential to have a great relationship with only one live-in BF, over time, is less than 10% and I am being generous in my estimations. I suspect the real number is close to nil.
June 21st, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Everyone has their own definition of what a successful Thai/farang relationship is. Subjective as that may be, the percentage is certainly small, but from my own personal observations greater than nil. What most farang don’t realize, or refuse to acknowledge, is the individual most responsible for its failure can be identified by looking into a mirror.
In most cases the endeavor is flawed from the start due to the criteria used in making a selection. If that doesn’t kill it, cultural diversity/ignorance and ineffective communication will put a quick end to all but a few. When age diversity is a factor, as is usually the case, an all too common failure to acknowledge, and properly manage, those special needs and desires of the younger partner is a recipe for disaster.
There are those capable of navigating all these hurtles, yet choose to remain foot loose and fancy free. The decision to lead a less complicated life does not give credence to the belief successful Thai/farang relationships are unattainable.
There are, on the other hand, those that prefer being in a relationship, and willing to take on the challenges that come with it. All too often they fail, but not for a want of trying. There is no one size fits all formula for success, but there are things a person can do to improve his chances. It begins with selecting the right individual, which can only be done by ignoring the advice of that little guy dangling between your legs.
June 21st, 2009 at 8:38 pm
We are doing great, despite age and cultural differences. Contrary, I find fitting in the thai concept of a relationship/culture far more easy and comforting, and far less complex than what I experienced before in my former “western” style of relationships..
June 22nd, 2009 at 6:57 am
If you are saying that improving your chances at having a good experience living with someone consists of “ignoring the advice of that little guy dangling between your legs” then I agree with you 100%.
You choose people to live with based on everything EXCEPT their looks and your desire to have sex with them. Perfect. That is exactly what I have done for decades now without a single untoward incident. But most gays criticize me by telling me if you don’t have sex with them then they are not boyfriends. Maybe I must invent a new dictionary to discuss this?
I didn’t come to Thailand to find a live-in lover or to use that quaint notion, a “relationship”. I came to have sex with beautiful boys. My long term close friends are those I am unlikely to have ever had sex with, can be from any country, and tend to be older.
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:05 am
A friend of mine, who has been in a relationship with a Thai his same age (early 30’s) for about 7 years now, once said sex is very easy to find in Thailand, but those you can live and share your life with are few and far between. I’m not suggesting one should select a partner without having sex with him. I am saying that stunning cute looks and a hot little ass in bed are not the criteria for making the selection. Unfortunately most farang never look past those to things when deciding on their Thai partner.
Of course, if one tosses enough money at it, any fantasy he desires can be had. Who am I to argue with those that want to label it as a successful relationship? Sadly, many in this type of relationship forget its a fantasy that has been bought and paid for…until that day when his boy delivers a devastating reality check.
There is no question many come to Thailand with absolutely no interest in establishing a relationship. Others have been there, done that and have the T-shirt, along with a bitter taste in their mouth. While I don’t have all the answers, I do think I can offer some insights that will help those wishing to pursue one.
I can say with absolute certainty the number one reason why Thai/farang relationships fail is they where doomed from the start, mostly because guys let their dick influence the decision. The other huge mistake most make is jumping into a relationship long before they have any clue about Thai culture and how to effectively communicate with a boy. If that isn’t enough, most are in a relationship with a boy in his late teens or early twenties and don’t know how to navigate the inevitable issues associated with lack of maturity. I can also say with great confidence that any relationship with a boy that has no interest in getting an education or pursuing a career will be short lived. If you are in a relationship with a boy that just lays around the house like a cat, you’re buying a fantasy…nothing more.
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:29 am
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