The other night, when out drinking with Princess and his Thai friend T, I learned something very interesting about the boys’ ability to understand English.  I’ve actually had hints of this in the past, but never before has someone actually come out and point blank said it.  A couple of examples that come to mind are one boy would continually ask me to speak more slowly, while another said he could understand his German friend but not me.

T was trying to explain what he does for work.  He has a technical job having to do with a subject I’m quite familiar with.  I saw this is an opportunity to have some meaningful dialog with the boy, which is important as most can’t muster up anything beyond simple small talk.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t going well.  T’s English skills are not too strong, and he did not understand much of anything I said.

Princess intervened trying to interpret for T what I was saying.  It was at that point T explained his English is not that strong, but he could understand British much better than Americans.  He told me we speak very fast and string things together too much.  He gave the example of “did you eat yet,” explaining we Americans will say didjaeatyet.

Princess chimed in with agreement, and added that even those in Europe and Latin America, that speak English as their second language, are easier to understand.  I jokingly said, “Well, if you think we are bad, try talking to an Australian.”  T laughed and said, “OH! I do not understand anything they say.”

On a more serious note I explained to the boys that they are learning what is referred to as British, BBC, or the Queen’s English, which is one of two English standards in the world, the other being General American English.  Within each are mild to strong dialects, such as Geordie, Scouse, and Cockney, or Canadian, African American and Southern American.  My attempt to offer the boys a bigger picture on the subject of English didn’t seem to be of much interest to them.  The only reaction I got was from Princess, who said, “I understand Americans because I around you a lot.”

That said, it was a bit of an eye opener for me.  All my life I’ve struggled to understand those with strong dialects, but never realized my own flavor of English could be so difficult to understand by some.  So for you General American English speakers, and those with a strong dialect on the British English side, speak slowly and try to select words more common with British English.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Now, before you Brits decide to chime in with your usual American bashing comments, I did some research and found these interesting details from Wikipedia.

If the British have any legitimate claim on the English language today it is that they wrote the book…literally.  And it is still in print!

English is a pluricentric language, without a central language authority like France’s Académie française; and therefore no one variety is considered “correct” or “incorrect” except in terms of the expectations of the particular audience to which the language is directed.

The impact of the English language globally has sometimes had a large impact on other languages, leading to language shift and even language death and to claims of “English Language Imperialism”.  English itself is now open to language shift as multiple regional varieties feed back into the language as a whole.  For this reason, the English language is forever evolving.

English, as a whole, is the third most natively spoken language in the world, followed by Mandarin Chinese and Spanish. However, when combining native and non-native speakers it is probably the most commonly spoken language in the world, though possibly second to a combination of the Chinese languages (depending on whether or not distinctions in the latter are classified as “languages” or “dialects”).  While I did not see it stated anywhere it’s fairly obvious that of the non-native English speakers most speak the British English standard.

The countries with the highest populations of native English speakers are, in descending order: United States (215 million), United Kingdom (61 million), Canada (18.2 million), Australia (15.5 million), Nigeria (4 million), Ireland (3.8 million), South Africa (3.7 million), and New Zealand (3.6 million) 2006 Census.

The other day Princess and another boy were hanging out in the room.  Princess went to do something in the kitchen and accidentally knocked some things over, making a big noise.  The other boy looked over his shoulder at Princess and said, “Meeeooowww.”  I asked him why he said that and his reply was, “Cat do.”  I said, “I know that is sound of cat, but why you do?”  He explained it means that the cat did it, not Princess…”cat do.”

I was at the Balcony Pub drinking with Princess and one of his friends the other night.  At some point this really cute boy walked in and sat at the bar by himself.  Both Princess and I noticed, with great lust, when he walked in, and didn’t try to hide our interest in him from that point forward.  We were seated outside, which meant having to turn around to look at the boy, and it was obvious to him how often we would twist our necks in his direction.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

A little later the boy relocated to a table outside, and on street level, making it very easy to look at him from our elevated position.  Eventually, Princess started cheering the boy with his glass, and the boy would return the gesture.  This is how Thai boys let someone in a bar know they are interested.  After a few cheers, Princess asked the waiter to let the boy know he was invited to our table.  The waiter soon returned with the boy’s response, “I kreng jai him.”  In this particular case, that meant he was just being polite by cheering back and he was not interested in joining our party.

Princess said that it is quite common for Thais to “talk around” something and you are expected to know what it really means.  In other words, a lot of communication between Thais requires the ability to read between the lines.  I immediately understood what Princess was saying, but had never really thought about it in that way before.  It is actually no surprise when you consider this is a society that goes out of its way to avoid offending one another.  Thus, this method of communication is well suited to the practice of kreng jai.

As it turns out, Princess noticed the boy had moved outside to strategically position himself near a younger (20’s) farang, who was sitting one table away.  He had seated himself facing into the bar, which we originally assumed was for our benefit.  But after Princess pointed out what was really going on it was obvious the boy had positioned himself so he and the young farang would not have to do any neck twisting to make eye contact.

Sure enough, it wasn’t long before the boy was seated next to the young farang, whom he eventually departed with.  Just as well.  Princess also informed me that the boy was high as a kite on ice (methamphetamines).  After removing my rose colored glasses and taking another look I realized Princess was absolutely correct.  The boy was seriously tweeking.  But I digress.

This form of communication is second nature for Thais.  They are wired to automatically look for hidden meanings in conversation.  Thus, it begs the question.  Do they listen to what we English speaking westerners are saying with the same mindset?  Is it one of the reasons why we often encounter a miscommunication?  I wrote once before about how the boys would often communicate in a way that appeared as if they were expecting me to connect the dots.  It doesn’t come natural for me to examine everything spoken for its potential hidden meaning.  And it is one trick this old dog might not be up for learning.

While in Hua Hin, Princess and I were setting in The Guys Bar when one of those big roaches went scurrying under our feet.  A few minutes later, he returned and Princess pulled his feet up off the floor.  He said, “I scare Peter.”  I asked him who Peter was and that’s when I learned it’s what the boys call those big roaches.

Princess was surprised I didn’t know who Peter was, because most farang he has met did.  I’d like to think I’m not the only farang ignorant of this important fact.  For some reason it never came up in conversation, but now I know and so do you.

Here is a new Thai word you can use to impress the boys, as they won’t expect you to know this one.  The word “jam” is Thai youth slang that basically means the same thing as cool.

An RQD reader left a rather long comment that I have decided to turn into a post.  First his comments, then my reaction…

READER COMMENTS

Here are some observations relating to your blog I made during my holiday in Bkk and Pattaya in January. All the boys I met were from DJ-station, Lumpini Park, Gayromeo, beach or host-bar.

I found that it’s of utmost importance always to have enough 100baht-bills and therefore spend the 1000baht-bills (which I receive when I change money) first. There are many places that can’t give change for 1000baht and I had some unpleasant experiences due to lack of small change. In SeeK-dance, I wanted to tip a dancer with 100baht (I saw Thais doing this), but I didn’t have a 100baht-note. Later, I paid a bottle of coke with a 1000baht-note and waited for the change; in vain. Half an hour later (when they closed), I inquired, but we did not get to a result, so I gave in. (At that time, my Thai friend had left without telling me where he went, I looked around and tried to call him, to no avail. Next day I asked him: he had to vomit and went home alone – without telling me.). Another day, I was in a taxi and needed to pee. When we arrived at my hotel, the driver didn’t have change for 1000baht, so I had to go to 7-eleven first. Fortunately, the need to pee was no!
t very urgent.

Thai boy’s English: grammar and vocabulary is not that bad; however, pronunciation can be difficult to understand, on mobile phone it can become impossible to talk with boy, in this case I use SMS. Thais really have difficulties with pronouncing the letter “R” and often replace it by “L”. In Romanized Thai, sometimes “r” appears but you don’t hear it when Thais speak the word, e.g. Sathorn or Sathon (I found both Romanizations), Chakran sauna is pronounced like “Chakan”. Some other problem-words: “friend” sounds like “fan”. Thais have problems pronouncing an “s” at the end of a word, it is simply dropped: “sex” becomes “sek” and “tax” becomes “tak”. They often confuse “he”, “his” and “him”, e.g. “him loom not clean” – “his room is not clean”. Knowledge of Thai would give amazing insights into Thai grammar by listening to Thai boys’ English.

Bed clothes: I brought a spare pyjama (kind of T-shirt and boxers, similar to what I wear in bed) and offered it to boys, but all of them preferred to sleep naked or in underwear.

Mouthwash: I never used mouthwash before, but I brought a bottle (250ml) and it was used by most boys (I could hear or smell) without asking me, at the end it was almost empty. I didn’t know that it’s that easy to make their stay with me more comfortable, thanks for the tip!

Coin in ear: A mamasan in Krazy Dragon Pattaya had a one-baht-coin in his ear. It fits perfectly, he had no explanation why he put it there (maybe change because drinks are 99baht?).

Thai boys peeing: All my guests peed standing, at least they put the toilet seat up before they did and they didn’t miss as far as I could see. (Men peeing into toilet standing with or without missing and not taking the toilet seat down afterwards is a subject for jokes, conflicts and maybe even divorces in Germany.) What really surprises me is that they can pee with a boner (I can’t, which is a problem when I wake up in the morning with an erection and need to pee, I asked my English friends: they find it very inconvenient to pee with a boner).

Showering is much less common than I expected from reading your blog. I had boys that just wiped off cum with a tissue and then slept overnight in my bed; i.e. no shower at all during stay in my room.

Dating Thai boys: my experiences are from in-time up to six hours late (therefore, when I meet a boy in public place I chose a place where I can spend an hours without getting bored in case he turns up late).

Butterfly: I had a boy from a host-bar in Pattaya and after two hours walking on the beach and in the town I told him that I want to go to Sunee Plaza and he suddenly told me: “You are butterfly. I can see in your eyes: You are very, very butterfly.” Is this the worst possible insult I can get?

Entertaining Thai-boys: I went to the Chakran-sauna with a friend from DJ-station and the Jacuzzi was fun for both of us.

Parade of the boys in Soi twilight: You recommended sitting and watching there after midnight, but I found it very entertaining around 8-9pm when the boys arrive. Furthermore, I can recommend to take a look around and go behind the bar (Wild West Boys Pattaya) or check where they go eating (about 100m away from Soi Twilight on Surawong, there are food stalls where I observed massage boys and go-go boys and chatted with them). There they are in a natural environment, sometimes even don’t care about my presence, and the light is much better than in bars (revealing that some wear a lot of make-up, looks very un-natural).

Buddhism: I was with a host-bar-boy (the one from above who called me butterfly) and we went to the large Buddha in Pattaya where he prayed. (I told him I wanted to see the Buddha and when we were there I just followed him and it was very entertaining.) He told me that he is not only Buddhist, but Christian as well and he prayed at a Chinese temple there, too. In one Buddhist temple, there was a small Buddha made of brass which he lifted two times above his head for luck and asked me to do the same. First I thought, the Buddha was fixed to the ground, than I managed with some effort to lift it above my head twice. It was very heavy!

ICK and SeeK-dance: This is another example where I just followed a friend without knowing what’s going on and was pleasantly surprised. He did not tell me that we were going to ICK, but I wanted to go there anyway but didn’t know the directions. So I let him do everything (giving directions to taxi, ordering table) and it was very interesting. There was very nice dancing in underwear in SeeK-dance and some days later in ICK (where I went with another friend).

How do boys in Go-go-bars get their numbers? I asked a mamasan and as far as I understood, the first boy gets number 1 and and each new boy gets the next free number. If boys leave the bar, the number is not allocated to a new boy? That explains why a bar with about 20 boys on stage can have numbers up to 98, but I never saw numbers above 99. Any explanation?

Is Herpes (Herpex simplex virus) known in Thailand? It causes cold sore on the lip or genital herpes. I get herpes on my lip about once a year, and it was just before my holiday, so during the first days there was some scab on my lip. I told a friend (and showed him a printout from Wikipedia), but this did not prevent him from kissing me.

When boys (in Soi Twilight or Boyztown) shake hand with me, they sometimes tickle the palm of my hand with their middle finger.

When boys beckon me to come to them, they stretch out their hand, the palm points down and they move their fingers up and down. In Germany, we use this gesture to make someone go away, whereas with palm pointing up it means “come here”. So I was a bit confused the first time I saw it (in Pattaya in a host bar).

Boys and pillows. I went to KL to visit a friend from university (Malay-Chinese high-society woman) and slept in her brother’s room. He gave me a cylindrical pillow and showed me how to use it for sleeping on my side: put it between my legs and wrap my arms around it. (This is exactly how I like to hug friends in bed!). When we were driving in her car, my friend’s sisters had pillows on their lap. Use of pillows seems to be common in South-East Asia!

Boys and Temperature. I felt comfortable without air-con, so I left it switched off (I don’t like the noise). However, most boys switched it on when they entered my room. That’s strange because for them, it’s winter, why cool the room?

On the other hand, boys often take off their T-shirt when entering the room. Why do they do that? I like to slip my hands under T-shirts and to take them off myself, so I have to tell them to put it on again so I can take it off.

Shy boys. Changing underwear under towel after showering

In bars, sometimes a boys put on a show for me (i.e. smiling, dancing, keeping eye-contact, wink with eye, hand and lip movements). Are they really interested in spending time with me?

Another strange thing is: “Can I go with you for free” (happened twice in Pattaya: in a host-bar and on the beach, both times in the afternoon). In both cases, they finally asked for money and I gave them the going rate. But why do they say “go for free”?

I always have my T-shirt tucked in and a friend of mine told me that people look at me because it’s so unusual. I have a theories why people have their T-shirt tucked in or not tucked in. I always have my T-shirt tucked in because I don’t like wind blowing under it (besides, in Europe it’s cold most time of the year). I believe people wear their shirt over their trousers to allow others easier access to skin (by slipping hand under T-shirt), but this only works for DJ-station.

Being fat: I gained some kgs over the last months and a Thai friend told me I became fat (I’m still slim). Incredible that he noticed and remembered from 4 months ago!

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

MY COMMENTS

Picking up boys at Lumpini, or any other public park, is very high risk business.  I do not recommend it at all!  At the very least you are asking to get attacked by straight youth that are sick and tired of the farang trolls in their public parks.

I don’t recall how much I’ve written about the importance of always having small change, but it will make life much easier if you do.  In addition, there has been a problem with counterfeit 1000 baht bills circulating, so many small businesses are afraid to take them.

You found boys with stronger English skills, because of the places you looked for them.  Freelancers almost always speak better English, and that’s why they are freelancers.  Communication with boys on the phone is always difficult, because they can not read your lips.

I don’t think boys have difficulty pronouncing “s” at the end of words.  More likely they have only learned the singular version of words.  It is also possible that the Thai language does not use plurals like English does.  Perhaps someone with good Thai language skills could comment.

The boys wear boxers, not PJs, so I’m not surprised they rejected your offer.  Most boys sleep in their underwear.  It is very rare to find one that will sleep naked.  The only times I’ve seen this is with the freelancers, and my assumption is it’s because they have more experience with farangs and know that its the “customer’s” preference.  My suggestion for giving a boy boxers to wear is for when he is hanging out around the room.  Boys do not like walking around in just their underwear, but are totally comfortable with a pair of boxers and underwear combination. Boys are comfortable with any style of underwear once in bed, and will almost always put them back on after sex.

These days a one baht coin in the ear is a fashion statement.  Mamasan has pockets to carry change.

Boys that do not shower, as I have described, are very low class and dirty.  I have encountered boys like this, exclusively among the street and on-line (Gay Romeo) freelancer types.  Boys like this usually can not be trusted, and there is a very strong likelihood they are HIV positive.

As a general rule, any boy that shows up more than 20 minutes late gets rejected by me.  If you allow a boy to make you wait you’re giving him control and opening the door for all kinds of other problems.  Never ever allow boys to do this to you.  They will not respect you if you do.

The use of “butterfly” from a bar boy is not nearly as insulting as from a boy in DJ station.  You should be more concerned about the boys saying to each other you are a butterfly than them actually saying it to your face.  If you have a reputation with the boys as being a butterfly they will not respect you and you WILL get treated differently.

Watching the boys arrive between 7:30 and 8:30 is also fun, but they are at work and not available.  After checking in, many go back out to eat something before they have to start performing on stage.  During this time it is common for the boys to briefly stop and visit with farang they know.  I never bother the boys while they are eating.  If they are nice to you at that time its only because they hope you will come and off them from their bar later, but I seriously doubt it gains you much respect.  Most likely, their take on it is you are a “Cheep Charley” troll.

How the boys get their numbers at GoGo bars probably differs from one bar to the next.  I have seen boys take the number of one that has left.  I’ve also seen boys wear the number of a boy that is on holiday, but still working in the bar.

Did the boy that didn’t care about the scab on your lip take a shower before or after sex?

Tickling the palm of your hand while shaking it is quite common with the bar boys.  I never bothered to explore it though.

Waving someone over, with palm down is more respectful.  To do it with palm up is comparable to calling your dog.  I don’t see this as much in Thailand, but I quickly learned it was a very bad thing to do when I was living in the Philippines.

The boy most likely turned on the air conditioner, because he knows farang will want it on and was just trying to be a good boy.

Most boys do not take their shirt off after entering the room.  In fact, it’s extremely rare to see that happen.  It is common for a boy to start undressing if he thinks sex is about to happen.  They don’t understand a lot of farang like to undress their boy, yours truly included.

QUESTION: “In bars, sometimes a boys put on a show for me (i.e. smiling, dancing, keeping eye-contact, wink with eye, hand and lip movements). Are they really interested in spending time with me?”

ANSWER: It’s their job.

QUESTION: “Another strange thing is: “Can I go with you for free” (happened twice in Pattaya: in a host-bar and on the beach, both times in the afternoon). In both cases, they finally asked for money and I gave them the going rate. But why do they say “go for free”?”

ANSWER: It is a favorite technique with some boys, because they know it often works.  It is most common with freelancers.  You did end up going with the boy and you did pay him…right?  Your conduct was reaffirming to the boy that his approach does in fact work, or he wouldn’t do it.

The reason boys leave their T shirt out in Thailand is exactly why you keep it in back home.  It is hot in Thailand.  Also, the boys wear their pants rather low, so every time they bend over their shirt would pull out anyway.  All the boys wear their shirts out, not just the money boys.  It has nothing to do with sex.  If you ask a boy why he wears his shirt out he will most likely say, “For good fashion.”

The other day Leo and I were once again discussing all the drama between Princess and his boyfriend.  It looks to me like a power struggle, but the end result is constant verbal abuse from the BF.  Yet Princess puts up with it, which is not at all characteristic of him to do.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Leo held his hand in front of his eyes and said, “Maybe he have ghost in front of eye.”  When I questioned the phrase, Leo said it is commonly used with Thais.  It would be our equivalent of “having blinders on” or “can’t see the forest through the trees”.

I’m always fascinated by how much ghosts and spirits are entrenched in Thai culture.  I have concluded many do not actually believe in them, but everyone seems quite comfortable acting as if they do.

Here is something that has taken me a long time to figure out, and I’m still not that good at it.  When trying to make a point with a Thai it is very often a mistake to fall back on western cultural standards and principles.  In particular I’m thinking of those situations where the root of your argument is centered on a matter of principle.  In other words, what you think is important and a “given” may have little or no significance to a Thai person.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Learning what the differing principles are between these two cultures can be challenging, to say the least.  An example I’ve used before is the pork ball story.  A farang sitting at a bar asks one of the boys to go buy him some pork balls, but he returns with fish balls.  The boy brought fish balls because the vendor was out of pork. By farang principles if someone is paid to go do something they should do that or nothing at all.  By Thai principles the need to eat is almost a sacred thing, so returning empty handed would be “more bad”.  Besides, who doesn’t like fish balls…right?

There are those situations where you know the boy did you wrong, but trying to correct it head on will only make the situation worse.  Let’s say the boy staying with you goes out drinking with friends one night and does not return until 2 the next afternoon.  We all know this is the wrong thing for him to do, but odds are you won’t have much luck trying to address it directly.  Even if the boy gives a reason for his actions it will most likely be very vague, and perhaps less than honest.  Anything you say that directly attacks his actions will be received as him doing bad, and that always goes over like a fart in church.  The results of which will be just about as fruitful as hitting a cat.

One of the things I might do, immediately after the boy arrives home, is ask if he has eaten yet.  This is a very polite and thoughtful way of greeting someone in Thai culture.  It is also very disarming.  His answer will very likely be yes, and that opens the door for a slam dunk.  I would follow that, regardless of his answer, by saying I am very sad today, because I had to eat alone.  Thais do not like to eat alone, and to cause someone to do so, when it could have been avoided, is bad manners.  It is also an indirect way of telling the boy he did wrong without ever bringing up the subject of his staying out all night, which is exactly what he anticipates your focus will be on.  In this case I am using his cultural principles to my favor.  I have shamed him in such a way he can only counter with an apology, and is now thrown completely off balance by getting hit with something he was not expecting.  At the same time I’ve avoided a full on confrontation regarding his over extended absence.  I would then move on as if nothing else had happened.

Every boy is different, but odds are he won’t stay out so late again.

This is something I’ve recently noticed with Leo and Princess.  I’m not sure if it’s typical with all, as I did not pick up on it back when I was seeing a lot of new boys, perhaps due to Kreng Jai.

I’ve already talked about how boys don’t like to say no, and will often say yes when the answer should be no.  This is a Kreng Jai thing, which goes away when you have known the boy for an extended period of time.  Lately I’ve noticed, with Leo and Princess, when asked a question that could easily be answered with a yes or no I get a much longer response.  Worse, I’m not always clear if their answer translates to a yes or no, so I’ll then ask, “Was that a yes or a no?”  Of course, I then get the shorter answer.

I do find it interesting, considering Thais typically prefer to deliver the tersest response possible, so when these two do the opposite it seems a bit strange.

I can only recall the most recent incident, which is the one that got me noticing this trend.  It went something like this…

Q: Are you going out tonight?
A: Cake and GG are going to the disco with some friends.
Q: Was that a yes or a no?
A: Yes

Perhaps it IS their way of being brief, as they are skipping to the answer of a follow up question that is anticipated from me.  So rather than simply saying, “Yes, Cake and his friends are going to the disco tonight and they ask me to go.” I get an abbreviated response that expects me to fill in the “logical” gaps.

I am curious if anyone else has noticed this with the boys they hang around.  I doubt seriously it’s unique to Leo and Princess.

The other day I was having a conversation with Leo about Princess and all the silly drama he and his latest BF are going through.  From this, Leo introduced me to a Thai word that has apparently been barrowed from the English language.   Now Leo isn’t very good at this sort of thing, so I’ll share with you what he said and someone with good Thai language skills can certainly expand on it.

Best I can determine, the word “over” is used in reaction to someone’s overly dramatic behavior, or as Leo would say in English “over acting”, something Thais are notorious for.  So, its limited use in Thai seems to be the equivalent of saying “too much”, as it relates to behavior.  Its pronunciation sounds more like “Oh Verrrrr”.

Leo went on to explain there is a shortened (one syllable) use of the word that sounds identical to “were”.  Both “over” and “were”, but I think more often with “were”, can be followed by “mak” which basically means “a lot”.  Thus, “were mak” would loosely translate to “Way too much”.

Leo added that farang often like to mix Thai and English when talking and this can be confusing for a Thai.  It is made worse when the farang uses a word common to both languages.  He said if a farang uses the Thai word “over”, mixed in with English, a Thai will assume he is using all English.