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The more mirrors you have in your home or hotel room, the happier a Thai boy will be. Comments….stories?

I have lived with several boys, from between a few weeks to several months. During these experiences I’ve noticed they all have a tendency to inform you of things at the very last minute. And it does not necessarily have anything to do with needing money for something.

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A boy will make plans to travel home and visit his family weeks in advance, but I hear about it the day before he is leaving. Earlier in the week the boy makes plans with a friend to go out partying for a night, and I’ll be informed of it 30 minutes before the two are heading out the door. Of course, any time the boy needs money to pay for something, I’ll always hear about it the day he needs it, even though he’s known about this obligation for a week or more.

There are endless scenarios like these, but the point is they all seem to do it. I have no idea why they think it is appropriate to give last minute notice on things. I’ve not been able to determine if it is a lack of forward thinking or strategic in nature. What ever the reason, it can be very frustrating.

After experiencing this so many times, I sat the latest boy down and explained how important it is for him to notify me of things when he learns of them, and not wait until the last minute to drop them on me. Even so, he did it. But this time I reminded him of our earlier conversation, and let him know I was not happy about hearing of this so late. In this particular case it involved money, so I explained to him how I make decisions on how to spend my money each month based on known obligations. I went on to explain that I would have held off on some recent purchases had I known I was going to have to pay this bill. He decided to pay the bill himself, and from that day forward he never dropped a bomb on me again.

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It wasn’t really as big of a financial burden as I made it out to be, but sometimes you have to put things into perspective for the boys to understand…learn by example. Simply talking about it does not always work. It is still important to discuss things in advance, so you have them to reference when a situation occurs. In dealing with it I did not get angry with him. I was firm, and careful to avoid saying he had done something wrong. Thais do not respond well at all to finger pointing. There is a huge difference between saying YOU screwed up, and this is not good for me.

I was looking at my page about Money Boys the other day, and realized it needed a complete rewrite. It’s amazing how much I have learned since I originally wrote that page.

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I’m not completely satisfied with the new version, but at least it’s an improvement. It’s also very long, so get a cup of coffee before sitting down to this monster.

The subject of money boys is a huge topic to cover, and it took me several days to write. Even so, I have no doubt there are gaps and errors. I encourage everyone with knowledge in this area to contribute. I think it would also be interesting to hear some true life experiences, particularly those that fall into the category of lessons learned.

While the read may sound a little scary in places, that’s not my intent. I just want people to understand that underneath the fantasy of it all there is a reality. Or perhaps a better way of putting it is I want people to recognize it IS a fantasy world.

My focus here is often about Thai culture, and in particular how that translates when interacting with the boys. After everything I have said, and will continue to say, it is important to remember culture makes the boy Thai, it does not define him as an individual.

If you ask ten different people in America to define what a Christian is, you will get ten different answers. Your neighbors are most likely all part of the same culture, but none of them are exactly alike. They all have different personalities, values, prejudices, goals, ambitions, interests, and so on. Each is uniquely different, and the same is true with Thais.

The lack of cues given from an overly simplified level of communication makes it easy for us to overlook the individual and evaluate everyone based solely on their culture. Yet it is their culture that contributes to this, because Thais tend to mask their true feelings, emotions and opinions.

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It’s a lot harder, perhaps impossible, for us to really know a Thai like other Thais do, but we should always remind ourselves each is uniquely different. They are, after all, human beings.

This is inspired by the latest comment left by a reader. He’s just discovered that his 27 year old Thai Boy love is a money boy. Now too old to compete with the younger guys, the boy is looking for a sugar daddy to ride out the rest of his life in relative comfort.

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Here is my opinion on this situation and others like it. It’s just one man’s point of view…others are welcome to chime in.

I know of several successful relationships with money boys, so it is possible. Thai love is, to a large extent, driven by the opportunity for security in life. It is often more of a practical choice than an emotional one. That said, you can never take the money boy out of a boy.

Money boys live in a uniquely different subculture, which I and most farang do not understand, and probably never will. All I can tell you is their way of looking at and dealing with things is different from other Thai boys. These boys hate what they do, and have a very low self esteem. Many turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the emotional pain they are in. This is the psychology of the boy you are in love with.

That, by itself, does not suggest a relationship with a money boy is destine to failure. But you have to ask yourself how different it is for him to have one long-term customer as apposed to a different one every night.

In this situation the boy is 27 years old. He’s aged out and never did anything along the way to better himself…WHY? It is typical for Thais to live in the moment and not think about their future, so you can’t jump to the conclusion he lacks the desire, or motivation, to better himself, but it is a red flag!

Every farang, with personal experience on the subject, has told me the same thing. The boy MUST be motivated to better himself – money boy or not. He needs to get a degree, hold down a job, or both. You may have to push him along the way, and that’s okay, but he must be doing something for his future that does not depend on YOU! If he is not willing to do this, the relationship is destine to fail.

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Is this boy still living in the moment? Like his youth, you won’t be around forever. In a few more years his looks will probably fade to the point he can’t get a replacement farang. And I can assure you it’s not lost on him, money boy or not, that he can be replaced for a newer model. This dark cloud will definitely hang over your relationship with him.

Assuming the boy is truly motivated to better him self, your demonstration of an earnest commitment to help him accomplish this will be healthy for the relationship, a ray of light through that dark cloud. But you must never forget that, in his culture, actions speak louder than words. This needs to be your rule with him, as well, because he’s going to tell you anything you want to hear.

I think you need to determine weather or not this boy has the desire, and motivation, to earn back his self respect. You can not ask him directly, because he will never admit there is a problem. Tell him he must do something for his future, because you will not be around forever. Explain how you will help him get there, and set milestones he must accomplish to demonstrate his commitment. Don’t give him boyfriend status until he has shown a willingness to better himself. Even if it takes him a year to accomplish something tangible, stand your ground.

All of this assumes you sincerely want to go the distance with a boy whose looks are going to fade over the next few years. Now if all you want is a 24/7 man servant that will suck your dick, he should do just fine. He won’t be happy, and in time neither will you. Fortunately for you, he can be replaced.

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Just turn a corner and there’s another one waiting.

One of the attractions I have for the Thai Boys, money boys in particular, is the amazing things they do with their hair. I’m always fascinated by the elaborate styles they come up with, and how attractive they can be.

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One day I overheard a 12 year veteran expat say, “Spiky hair beware, flat head good in bed.” I assume he was speaking in general terms, but did not have the opportunity to ask. I’ll have to admit I’ve experienced a higher ratio of good boys, not just sex, that choose not to have their hair all spiked out. I’ve also had my share of good boys with the fancy dues, but the percentage is definitely smaller.

I shared this with a friend that is very knowledgeable of Thai culture, and the unique culture of the money boys. He didn’t think there was anything to it at all, and went on to explain why a lot of the boys have their hair all done up. According to him, the boys are making a statement they are doing well financially. These hair dues have to be done professionally every day or two. At between 80 and 180 baht a shot it does add up. Put into perspective, a boy can eat two or three times a day for around 80 baht. Thus, it can not be denied the boy has disposable cash, and Thais do love to make these kinds of materialistic statements.

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That said, I have to take into consideration success does not necessarily equate to good in bed, or good boy. All it really means is they are good at getting customers to pay for sex, good or bad.

I have not come to any hard and fast conclusions on this, but do tend to lean toward the idea that boys with the fancy dues might disappoint more often than not. At the same time I’m reminded that how good a boy is, in bed or otherwise, has a lot to do with how much he likes and respects you.

One of the great mysteries about sex with Thai boys is their insatiable desire to shower immediately after getting cum on their skin. It doesn’t make any difference if only one party is done, for most boys there is no waiting, and a towel is not a satisfactory alternative to soap and water.

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I was talking about this with a farang friend of mine, who has a better than average understanding of the Thai psyche, and he offered up his theory on the subject. Thais are keenly aware of sperm, those “living” creatures swimming around in the cum. Just as anyone would be uncomfortable with ants on their skin, Thai boys consider sperm to be much the same - bugs! My friend went on to share an experience he had with one boy that said, as he was departing for the shower, “I need to wash my babies off.”

My friend stresses it’s just a theory, one I’m inclined to find at least plausible.

While I’m on the subject, the Thai word for cum is naam set:
naam = water ; fluid ; liquid
set = finish ; complete ; succeed

A lot of guys are under this misconception a Thai boy will stay with him, during their visit to Thailand, without expecting any cash. They reason the boy is already getting compensated by the all expense paid vacation he enjoys with the farang. I don’t care if you fly him to a resort island, stay in a five star hotel, enjoy the finest food and beverage, go to the clubs and beach every day/night, and buy him gifts. The only thing the boy is really going to care about is cash!

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While there are exceptions, VERY FEW, most boys do not have an independent source of income, or the luxury of taking off for a few days or weeks. If he does not have a job, he’s a money boy. If he has a job, or is in school, he can’t leave it. When all is said and done, these boys still have to pay the rent, utilities, cell phone minutes, and send some money to mom. They can’t just drop everything for a 3 week vacation in Phuket. The boy assumes you know this…what moron wouldn’t?

The few boys that do have an independent source of income, their rich parents, typically do not gravitate toward farang over the age of 35. They are party boys, and taking care of the expenses is more than enough. They all hang out at DJ Station and the on-line hookup sites, but if you are too old you’re not even on their radar.

At a bare minimum, you should pay the boy between 200 and 300 baht a day, if he is staying with you for a week or more. If you are keeping him for 3 to 4 weeks, and you are any kind of a half way decent human being, you’ll give the boy between 8k and 10k baht. Just to put things into perspective, 8,000 baht is roughly $250. Now come on! The boy is taking care of your EVERY want and need for most, if not all, of his working month. If he stays at home and works one night customers he has the potential of making a lot more, but should easily bring in 8k, particularly if he’s a good boy.

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One of the reasons why so many of the really good boys have disappeared is because there are too many cheap ass bastard farang that either don’t care, or don’t realize just how good they have it. Try getting a nice boy to wait on you hand and foot for a month, and give you sex whenever you want it, in YOUR home country. This is just a wild ass guess on my part, but I doubt $250 would buy you more than one day!

Like most things I talk about there are exceptions, but the average life of a Thai boy/farang relationship is roughly 6 to 8 months. A few will last as long as 3 years. Those that survive longer represent a percentage too small to constitute a statistic.

There are a number of reasons for this, but the biggest is the westerner’s ignorance of Thai culture. I say this with absolute confidence…no farang should enter into a long-term relationship before living full time in Thailand for a bare minimum of 6 months. Ideally the length of stay should be 2 to 5 years, depending on how quickly one grasps the unique complexities of this culture.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

I would venture to say most relationships, that truly go the distance, are with farang that have lived in Thailand for an extended period. On the flip side, there are westerners that live in Thailand for 20 years and never really understand enough to take on a successful relationship with a Thai.

I’m not suggesting you avoid entering into a relationship, but do so without blinders on. Go into the relationship with the understanding it will most likely fail…within months. Don’t squander your entire life savings on the first boy you meet and fall in love with. It happens…A LOT! But of course…your situation is different…right? Maybe so, but not very likely I’m afraid.

A very important rule to learn, as it relates to spending your money on a boy and his family - set the bar very low, because it will only go up and you can NEVER EVER lower it.

Some will not like what I am about to say, and I will reiterate their ARE exceptions, but they are rare. When a boy, particularly one from Isan, takes his new found farang to see the family it is a strategic move on his, and his family’s, part to seal the deal. They are going to pull out all the stops, and make you feel like a king. And you are going to witness, not to mention experience, the absolute poverty your new found love’s family lives in. It is a well orchestrated play that has been running longer than any show on Broadway, and it WORKS!

I’ve been meaning to write this for a long time, but a new comment posted inspired me stop putting it off. It’s a bitter pill some may choose not to swallow. Believe me when I say…that’s completely understandable. Your situation is different…right?

Roger,

If you don’t like this answer, go with my original comment - both are appropriate. Every situation is different, so use your best judgment and enjoy.

When you see two gay Thai boys riding piggyback (one carrying the other on his back) it means they are boyfriends.

Photo Courtesy of Asia Boy

This was pointed out to me by a farang friend one evening as we were enjoying the nightly parade of boys in Soi Twilight. The two boys that pasted by ridding piggyback had just finished work, in their respective bars, and were heading out to spend some time with each other.

It is not clear to me why the two felt it necessary to announce their love in this fashion. I’m sure all the other boys already knew of their relationship, and the majority of farang would not have picked up on it. Had it not been pointed out to me, I too would have assumed it was just a couple of cute Thai boys horsing around for the spectators.

You could live in Thailand for ten years and never learn about these little tidbits of Thai culture. I am fortunate enough to know a very knowledgeable person that took the time to share this, and many things like it, with me. I’ll pass more of these on as they come to mind.